it's written in the stars

And the world keeps Spinning.

2009-11-04T19:51:00.005+08:00

HIIIIIIIII ! :D

I know I've abandoned you and I'm so very sorry but I've got my reasons. Plus, I've gotten myself a new blog. Well, sorta.

It's TUMBLR ! :)

Go click, & follow.

Yes Caren, YOU.

You're probably the only one who checks up on my blog anyways. Stalker. :p HAHA Iloveyou.

And to the rest who stalks me, I love you guys too. :)

Now, I give you all the permission in the world to stalk my Tumblr instead.

So shoo, fly away from blogspot.

http://heartsoftheworld.tumblr.com/

Ykylm

xxx

To the one who means more than the World.

2009-09-28T23:32:00.004+08:00

28th September. A day I'll always remember. Why? Because it's special. Why? See for yourself. I wrote this essay a few months ago for school and Summer has probably read this but oh well, I'll post it up anyway. Wheee. :)

***

“Kring kringg kringgg” buzzed my alarm clock. I tossed and turn around my bed trying to get more sleep, but to my dismay, “Kring kringgg kringggggg” that irritating noise went on even longer and louder this time. “Alright alright, I’m up!” I snapped at the inanimate object. Blurry eyed and still tired from the lack of sleep, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, stretched out my hands and let out a big yawn. It was only 6:30 in the morning of 28th September, but I had to be up early because I had to get all the things ready for the surprise I’d planned for my best friend. I took a quick shower and hurried out to make sure that the presents, cards, and balloons were all ready.

All of a sudden, my phone rang so I rushed over to answer it.
“Hey Joce, so how’s everything going? What time do we have to collect the cake for Summer?” asked Trina.
“We’ll discuss about that in school okay? It would be much easier when everyone’s there.” I replied hastily as I was fighting against time.
Trina answered, “Sure, sounds good. Alright, so I’ll meet you there at 8?”
“Yep, see you there babe,” I responded.

Fifteen minutes before 8, I ran down the stairs and zoomed pass the hallway and into the car. “Mom, are you ready? I’m going to be late!” I was afraid that my friends would be waiting for my arrival as I had the cards for everyone to contribute their signatures. “Coming dear,” Mom called back.

Fortunately, we reached school in just ten minutes and we could still do a little last minute planning. “Zane and I will get the cake now,” Jeremy volunteered. “You girls wait here and make sure nobody ruins the surprise okay?” he said to Trina, Renise, and I. “Yeah, make sure my sister doesn’t suspect anything,” added Zane. When they left, the girls and I immediately got to work. We took the huge cards which I had made and passed it on to everyone; their job was to write a word or two in it to be given to Summer. This was all done ingeniously, so she couldn’t have noticed anything.

In addition, we pretended to have forgotten Summer’s birthday, allowing her to think that not a single person remembered. Although everyone still spoke to her as usual, none of them mentioned anything about it being her special day. I could see the disappointment on her face and she was visibly upset. However, that made me smile even more. “That way, she would get a bigger surprise after school and it’ll be sure to work,” I giggled at my thoughts.

Finally, the school bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Jeremy told everybody to meet him at our Mandarin class where all the decorations and balloons had already been put up especially for the Birthday Girl. Zane brought the delicious looking chocolate cake with 11 candles into the classroom and had all the lights switched off. I, on the other hand, stayed with Summer and thought of an idea to bring her to class without giving the surprise away.
“Oh whoops, I just remembered; I left my pen and notes at our Mandarin class. Would you come get it with me?” I asked politely. “Yeah sure, Mom wouldn’t be here yet anyways,” she replied.
Just as we started walking up the stairs, I caught Renise from the back of my eye. We made a quick eye contact and she quickly ran up knowing exactly what to do.

When we reached the class, I gave a hard knock on the door to let them know that we were already outside. I stood back and watched as Summer twisted the doorknob letting herself in. All at once, everybody jumped out from their hiding spots and shouted, “SURPRISE!” She was so stunned, she almost lost her balance. “Woohoo! Happy Birthday, Summer!” the whole class cheered after singing the birthday song for my best friend. She was completely lost for words when everyone took turns to hand over their gifts. After everyone had had their fair share of time with the birthday girl, I pulled her aside and brought out the present I had gotten her.
“Here, this is for you,” I said with a huge smile. Joyful tears started welling up in her eyes and she was truly grateful “Thank you, Joce, thank you. This is the best birthday I’ve had in years and you’re my best friend! I love you.” That melted my heart, and I gave her a kiss on her cheek and said, “I love you too, Summer Gan, and I’m really glad you liked your surprise.” She replied appreciatively, “Like? I love it, thank you!” Everything worked out perfectly; my best friend was happy, and everyone had a good time.

However, that wasn’t it. A few hours later, Mom arrived with Aunty Jenny and I was still giggling and laughing as I entered the car. However, Mom suddenly turned around and said in a soft, gentle voice, “Joce honey, today is not a very happy day.” That instantly sent shivers down my spine. My sister, Carolyn, must have felt it too as we exchanged apprehensive glances, both terrified and absolutely clueless. Attempting to find out what had happened, I tried to look at my mom through the rear-view mirror. Instead, I caught a glimpse of Aunty Jenny who was sitting at the passenger seat. I froze. Her eyes were all red and puffy, as if she’d just cried buckets. It frightened me so much as I wondered about all the possibilities that could have caused that. Barely able to take the suspense any longer, I asked, “Why Mom? What happened?” To no avail, I didn’t get a reply so we sat through the whole journey in deadly silence.

Finally, after what seemed like the longest ride I’ve ever had in the car with Mom, we reached Grandpa’s house. As we got out of the car, Carolyn and I both looked at Mom trying to get an answer. At last, Mom spoke out, “Girls, I’m so sorry but,” she was struggling to get her message across, “Grandpa passed away today.” I felt my ears and my eyes clog up, and at one point I could swear I felt my heart stop beating. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; my eyes were stinging so bad with hot and painful tears that I couldn’t contain my waterworks any longer. My sister and Mom broke down too and we cried together in each other’s arms. My Grandpa was 80 when that happened, and his death was of old age, but I still couldn’t put up with it. The pain was unbearable; losing my most beloved Grandpa.

“28th September…” I thought to myself and sighed. The day that I thought everybody would be happy, turned out to be the worst day of my life! 28th September, is the day of my best friend’s birthday. Ironically, it was also the day of my Grandpa’s death. I just couldn’t accept it. “Could this possibly mean something?” I still wonder.

***

And just so you know, the story is true. Yeap, imagine the horror. But the scenes in school were added just because it was an essay.

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Baby. Words can never express how much you mean to me. I love you, bestfriend. :D

And Happy(?) 3rd year Grandpa. I love you, you will always be in my heart. ♥

xxx

None of us know why we love.

2009-09-24T15:53:00.007+08:00

Loving you was like free falling into space - I never knew

when I'd hit the ground. But that I didn't care, because for just that

short period of time, I felt like I could fly.

Because you're my Reason.

2009-08-23T22:26:00.011+08:00

I'll be off to camp in approximately 9 hours! WHEEEE, I'M SO EXCITED ! :)

But you see, we had a motorbike accident on Friday night and now my legs are injured. Tikah and I. She's got a deep cut on her elbow and hit her head on the tire of the parked car, while I got the most of it because the motor fell on my leg. I scratched my right knee against the road and the exhaust pipe burned my leg a little. Gory much? Gah I really don't want the ugly scars. :(

Sigh, I'm so upset because the camp was all that I was looking forward to during the week and now I'd have to go there limping. Sigh. I know I have no one but myself to blame for being so careless and irresponsible so I'm really not going to spend my time complaining here. I've learnt my lesson; I really have.

I can't wait for the bus ride. Chuah and I called dibs on the backseat! I don't care Bhud, you'd have to make me. ;p I bought so much food. But eh, no stealing people ! All mine, all mine! Snickers okay! :) Mrs. Bepono said that the bus ride would take 6-7 hours so I could either sleep, read, listen to my iPod, hog Joshua's iPhone, be emo with JoChuah & Renise, or dance around in the bus ! OMG they all sound so good!

Oooh, I'm gonna have so much fun!

Rajak and Crouch, don't miss me too much. It's only 3 days. ;)

I'll miss you BabyLabush & Tikah. So much. Have fun girls, because I know I will! :)

And when I get back, I'll be going out with Crouch, Rajak and Cherry!

Pondok. *inside joke*

CAMERON HIGHLANDS here we come, baby!

So,Cheche and I were talking about my sore leg and how I wouldn’t be able to go jungle trekking. :(

"*sighs* Jungle trekking was the thing that I was looking forward to most for this camp laa. But now I can't. *groans* "

"Who asked you to be so careless?" Thank you che, for making me feel SO much better. ;p
"Ugh, I think I should just cry myself to sleep now."
"Eh why? You JUST woke up !"
*bursts out laughing*
"Geez, sometimes you make no sense at all."
*laughs some more*

P/s: This was at around 1pm. Yes, me and my sleep. HAHAHAHA I know I amuse you. ;)

Please God, take away the ugly scars. Amen.
xxx

:)

2009-08-07T18:44:00.005+08:00

HEY BESTFRIEND!!!! :))

imy womann!
im so happy and hyper now.. i think its the chocolates *yummy yum yum*xD
you know what, i've decided not to care about the calories for now..
i'm gonna eat and become so FAT that no one would recognise me anymore! lol
*thats totally rubbish but wtv* i reli reli think you too should just eat as much chocolates as you want. it keeps you HAPPY :)

anyway, i think you owe me LOADSSS of stories since we havent cought up in dunno how many centuries now..
i too have stories for youu which i cant wait to tell =)

btw, if you still can't stop thinking of that monkey brain, a consolation is even i haven't moved on after about 11 months now. haih :(
but on the bright side, they have thought us to be stronger and that we can actually live without them. we're strong, bold woman and we know it!
they are NOT gonna keep us sad and down for much longer..
when we are on cloud nine someday, we'll look back and be surprised at how far we've come and that there really is this special person God reserved just for us :))

in the meantime, its back to studying for me and back to tonnes of work for youu.
we're gonna be done with all this in 5 MONTHS! *hurrayy to us*

i cant cant cannn't wait for

CHRISTMAS!!

i reli do miss you my bimbo friend,
i miss how we used to hang out on sundays,
all our bull shit that only made sense to us!
we'll meet up soon and catch up aite?
cheers to bestest friends the world will ever have

love, me :)

I'll carry you when you need a Friend.

2009-08-06T00:45:00.005+08:00

I know it's bad to be in denial, because when reality really strikes,

it'd be way to hard to handle and I can only imagine what would happen.

And I also know that being in denial is a pusillanimous way of handling the truth and it definitely won't solve anything.

Being in denial is a coward's "easy" way out.

However, I just can't help it, because I know that if I don't push it to the back of my mind,

I would be so lost, weak, and helpless that I wouldn't know what to do.

Mmer baby was crying because of this and I couldn't even be there for her. I felt so stupid, but I didn't know what would comfort her because I know that I'd be going through the same thing. And, I know that nothing anyone ever says or does would make me feel better.

To think of it, I'd be going through the exact same thing! Our loveliest, most precious friend will be leaving. She's leaving, forreal.
Just that it hasn't hit me.
Not yet, at least.

P/S: This is going to be hard on each of us, but we'll always have each other, Trina, Summer, & Zane. You'll always have me right by your side, and I'd sure as hell need the three of you too.

xxx

I just can't live a Lie anymore.

2009-07-29T00:30:00.006+08:00

This place is dead, isn't it? Sigh. I just couldn't find the time to blog. And yes, inspiration. I haven't been having any inspiration in the longest time, especially since everything just feels so wrong. Nothing ever seems to be right these days. I don't know why, but it just is. I'm not always like this you know? Emotional, I mean. I'm not always an emotional wreck. I just need to let it out somewhere. So bear with it, or you can just go ahead and click on the red X button on the top right of your page. Your cooperation is very much appreciated, thankyou. :)

***

You know how you make someone your everything, then something happens and that person's gone? Or maybe you have absolutely no clue about what happened, but somehow things just never seem to be the same anymore? You lose that person, and it feels like you've lost everything. Because after all, he was your everything and nobody else has the power to break your heart like he can. It was like you gave him your heart, your soul, your world, your everything, and it was taken away; just like that. With one snap of the finger, everything was gone. And why? All because you were foolish enough to let him in all the way.

So you made a promise to yourself to never let anyone in completely. Just so you wouldn't hurt the way you did. Stupid thing to do, some might think. But rather than always being so afraid that you'll end up hurt again and letting it consume you, might as well withdraw whenever things get intense, no? A good solution, yes yes?

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,

Because all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

- Carrie Underwood, "Lessons Learned"

Thank you, for letting me go.

Thank you, for giving up on us even before anything started.

Thank you, for the strong feelings that never knew I was capable of feeling.

Thank you, for a wonderful experience, although it may not be real after all.

Thank you, for it truly felt real when I was with you.

Thank you, for the memories.

& I probably owe you my life for the lessons learned.

So, Thank You!

P/S: I just got off the phone with Mmer. Thanks baby, for constantly making every wrong feel right again. That is only one of the reasons why I love you.

xxx

Starts with Goodbye.

2009-07-26T01:38:00.004+08:00

I will update soon. I will, I will, I will !

But now, I've got to sleep.

Goodnight world.

xxx

Save me from this Misery.

2009-07-07T11:00:00.002+08:00

I want to remember what it was like to be happy again.

To be cheered up by the littlest things and to smile; a genuine happy smile from within.

I want to laugh and be the crazy and cheerful person that I used to be.

I just want that back. Is that too much to ask for?

If you want me, want me enough to keep me.

But if you don't, please just let me go.

xxx

I dream this carousel will stop.

2009-07-03T23:00:00.001+08:00

I count the days now we're apart,
And each hangs heavy on my heart,
I know it has to be this way,
Tomorrow happens come what may,

And every pathway leads to you,
My heart has told me what to do,
You give me strength to carry on,
But every footstep feels so wrong,

- Amy Pearson, "Lost Without Your Love"

***

One of the things I've discovered about human nature- as masochistic as it may be -is that we often like to suffer.
Sometimes you just want to hang on to the hurt.
Not because hurting is fun- unless you truly are a masochist -but because hurting is easy.
It's easy to wallow in pain; it's cushioned and comfortable and warm and familiar. Plus, it's easier
to just succumb and cry, than to fight and think of reasons not to.

And not to mention, when you hurt, you feel alive.

So you keep hanging on to that feeling, no matter how horrifying it is.

Because as much as you’d hate to admit, you feel safer feeling that way rather than knowing the truth.

You’re holding on to the way he makes you feel simply because it feels right.

Heck, it only ever feels right if he’s the one. And maybe, just maybe you’re living in denial.

You’re constantly running away from the truth, because sometimes- or in this case, most of the time- the truth scares you.

So you keep running; further and further away from reality until you get so caught up in your own flight of the imagination.

Then one day, “bam!” something hits you so hard, smacks you right in the face and

you’re forced to wake up to the bitter and tragic reality which we call life.

So you get up, try to pick the pieces up and UHU superglue it together. However if you happen to see him,

you’ll pretend as if everything’s okay and that you want absolutely nothing to do with him.

Because you know that at one point, you’d just have to let go. Let everything go.

But even so, deep down inside you know you’ll never stop believing that someday he’ll come back for you.

Because only with that teeny bit of hope, can you carry on with life - or at least that’s what you tell yourself).

That’s just how you are; a foolish and very stubborn girl who fell in love with the terribly wrong person.

It was wrong from the start, yet nothing has ever felt so right.

xxx

Dance like there's no Tomorrow.

2009-06-30T22:03:00.012+08:00

Have you ever had the urge to just get up and dance dance dance? Dance to the beat and not ever stop? Well yeah, I had that when I was on stage. And the adrenaline rush. *whooosh*

It was amazing. I was so nervous at first, looking at the crowd cheering for the other dances; especially since I was wearing a fuhreaking corset. Yeaap, a corset. Oh well, but when the music started and it was our turn to perform, I felt as if I knew exactly what to do. It was FAHN-TAS-TIC (with the super thick Brittish accent like Jimmy from Closing the Ring; more on that later).

Dance Concert was awesome! :)
I'm so happy because Teacher said that we were really good, and I personally feel we did well. (:
Plus, I got to see Summer, Trina, and Zane! They were my biggest supporters along with Amelia, Cheche and Joy! I honestly can't thank you guys enough. Amelia che was so sweet, she got me a red rose! It was so pretty and ohmygosh I melted. ;) And and Joy! She was shouting my name out so loud when I was dancing. I just thank God I didn't get distracted cause I was actually trying to figure out who that person was. Hehee so sweet lah JoyMuttiah! :)

Thank you Caren, Tikah, and Chuah; for your encouraging messages and calls. :) Thank you all, my darlings. And of course, not forgetting Mommy & Daddy. They were so supportive and I was so glad they came to watch the concert. Oh right, Mom told me that when I was on stage, Dad turned around to Summer & Trina and asked "Joce so hot hor?" HAHAHA OMG you really know how to embarass your daughters hor, my dearest Papa? x) But so cute so cutee! ;)

However, time passed like the wind when we were having fun and then it was time to go. Before we left, all the dancers had to go on stage to do the final bowing and curtsying and guess what? Someone freaking got proposed on stage! It was so sweet, the crowd went crazy wild. The girls on stage were jumping and screaming like mad, including myself of course. He suddenly knelt down with a bouquet of flowers. OhmyGawd honestly that was amazingly sweet and touching. Well of course the girl said yes.

I was so curious so I kept asking my friends "Hmm, what if she actually said no?" Daaaamn, it would be so heartbreaking for the guy right? He had to muster up the confidence and guts to go up there in front of hundreds- if not thousands -of people, and if she had said no, it would definitely crush him. But then again, even if she didn't want to accept his proposal I'm sure she'll first say yes and then say no to him privately, yes? HAHAHA okay sorry, I was just doing lots of thinking. x) Nevertheless, I'm sure they'll get married! So nice to see happy endings like this. :)

Congratulations Stanley (yeap, that was his name) ! :D

Got back from the concert and I had to remove all my eye make up. So painful I tell you. It was super freaking dark so you can imagine how sakit it was. :( When I was done showering, I met up with Tikah, Armand, Rojak, and Tariq and we walked to Bestari to have my dinner. It was so fun; after that we just stayed out to talk about ghosts and spirits and something called saka (penjaga?). Tikah and I couldn't sleep for the whole night but eventually she fell asleep on me. Eesh that woman! We didn't even dare to brush our teeth at first because we weren't suppose to look in the mirror. Eyh, don't laugh okay, it was really scary. Go google Bloody Mary if you don't believe.

So yes, that was my day. :) Dancing never felt so good in my life knowing that you guys were there. And I really wouldn't mind dancing for the rest of my life. Seriously. ;)

P/S: I just watched Closing the Ring after school and it is an amazing movie. So emotional and heartbreaking. If you like The Notebook, A Walk to Remember, Nights in Rodanthe, and movies like those, then trust me you'd LOOVE this. :)

xxx

My HUGE discovery !

2009-06-23T22:10:00.012+08:00

OMG ! I think I'm in love. With a girl.
Heh. Ohmygoodnessgraciouslovelyangel. Seriously.

Megan Fox. OMG. She's flipping hot I swear ! Seriously whattheheck. OMG.
I was practically staring at her throughout the whole movie okay. I thought I'd be hook to Shia LaBeouf or maybe Josh Duhamel.

But ohh no, my eyes were fixed at her. I'm feeling so gay right now. HAHAHAHA yeah, beware. I'm turning lesbian.

Heh. I wish. (yeah, anything to get over what's-his-name)
If only that were so easy. But hey, that would be a perfect solution don't you think? Guys are such assholes anyway. Hmm. Oh well whatevs. This post is gonna be a cheery one, so rejoice ! :)

MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox
MeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFoxMeganFox!!!!! *droooools*

I'm so Lesbian at the moment but whatever. This is just one of those days. HAHAHAHA ! x)

Oh and have I told you how attractive girls are? ;p Ohsexymama ! *bites lips*

OMG TRANSFORMERS WAS FUR-REEAKING AWESOME !

Heheeee I'm one of the first Malaysians who watched it. ;p Woohoooo ! Okay laa, not really. The whole place was packed like crazy, we could barely even move.

But eh, I'm still one of the firsts, I know you jealous. ;p

Wahh, it's so tempting to spoil the ending for you people. But since I'm SO awesomely nice, I shall not. :)

Go watch. Quick quick ! Superdeedupernice I'm serious.

Eeeks, I'm so hyper. LOL.

The movie is absolutely breath-taking(yeah, Megan Fox. *winks). Plus, it's extremely emotional- you can be laughing like a mad cow then crying like a big fat baby the next scene.

And Optimus Prime ! Alamak what is this? First I'm in love with a girl, and now a Robot?

See what Transformers does to me?

Told you it was an awesome movie. Heee so nice I loooove !

Megan Fox, will you be mine? :) I wanna smack that sexy booty of yours. Ooohlala.

"Eh, she's a man, don't feel gay."
"*burst out laughing* Heh very funny. But I'd prefer her as a girl lah. So sexy !"
"Ugh, I miss Amelia."
"*rolled eyes a billion times* I'm talking about MeganFox la buntut! Sigh, how can someone be THAT hot?"
*And I was left with no reply because that vainpot went to stare at herself in the mirror. -__-"*

P/s: I'm sure glad if I managed to scare some of you people. ;p Oh and I'm still in love with you, my dear JessicaAlba. But let MeganFox have her time now kay, baby girl? Just for now. :) HA-HA OMG I'm psycho! ;p

Shaddup !

xxx

No one ever makes me feel the way you do.

2009-06-21T22:28:00.007+08:00

'Cause there's somethin' in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's somethin' in the way you look at me

***

Happy Father's Day !

I love you, Daddy.

xxx

I can't keep feeling the way I do.

2009-06-21T21:57:00.007+08:00

I hate that you're not even sure of what you want.

I hate that you keep staring whenever I try to get over you.

I hate that you're so ignorant towards the way I feel for you.

I hate that it's so hard to find the words; just to get to know you.

I hate that sometimes I feel like I don't know you at all.

I hate that I feel so stupid, insecure, weak, and vulnerable altogether when it comes to you.

I absolutely hate what you do to my heart.

I hate that I follow my heart so much that I ignore what my better judgement tells me to do whenever it comes to you.

I hate that you keep messing with my feelings.

I hate that you're the only one capable of making me feel the way I do.

I hate that this is probably the fifth time you broke my heart in just a span of 1 and a half years.

I hate that I'm still head over heels for you even after all that's happened.

I hate that I made you my everything because now it feels like I've lost everything.

I hate that hating you is so exhausting.

I especially hate that I don't hate you at all.

& I hate that lately all my posts are so emo-fied because of you.

I can't keep on hiding my heart from you,

I can't keep on loving you from a distance.

Asshole !

2009-06-08T01:25:00.016+08:00

He thinks I'm too skinny. WHADDAFAK? Blind buntut ! -__-

You so fat meh? Eeeesh!

Ughh I'm so freaking pissed I can't be bothered if I'm going against my own principles in swearing.

Seriously whattheeffingcowdungbabibitchchipetpantat ! OMG.

It hurts so bad, it consumes me. Stupid ass you're not worth my time!

KJBASDJBSDAJDJSOIajdkafbdjdkjahadFBJKADSHVdbacjaDCVdbakSCVAAHskjddHAVJdw hcvjciaDWC VCHJVHJWDBHCJXDWB VHCJ IDBWB NHK CJBD WBNCKJC CXBDWB SNJCHCXBDqwb djccc bdavbjhkchicbDVBHCK HCJBSDNWBDJKCXHIcjBDwscxjkCGHvdsWGHCH gchvjWdkucXKdshwVKSIOC cxhVADSUKIxHVDbwhUCJXchvsdaHBUADGSWHVUCOIUxhADSwkhbicou cxHadskVWBICO CHxSDWHVKUIOCUXHADSWhvKUCOIUXCzhSDGWHvCOIU XCdHASwhvscio xcDasWHVIOC cdSGkwoihcuhdasjwbkhoicdshvakcoiuhdswjkhiocbsdhwkjhiocsdaKJ !!!

There. I feel much better!

UGH I wish I had never met you! I wish someone would've told me about you before I foolishly fell for you.

Seriously, it'll save me all the hurt and heartache. But then again, thank you. For you make me stronger; stronger than I ever thought I could be.

You taught me not to be so naive and that love isn't always real. Cause it isn't. Love is not real. Worldly love doesn't exist.

Love = Lies

Yeah, that's it. Thank you for teaching me a lesson, bastard. :)

I will remember this.

I know I don't mean a single thing I'm saying here.

I guess I'm just retardedly stupid like that.

I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.

2009-06-05T01:59:00.010+08:00

I stumbled across this song on the internet a few weeks ago; and until now I'm still wondering if it actually meant something.

Listen to it, and you tell me.

Better As a Memory - Kenny Chesney

What is God trying to tell me, really? That I should just let him go and move on?

I know I can relate to this song, and somehow I could put the pieces together and get it all figured out but I just refuse to believe it's true.

I refuse to believe that this is just not it; that he's just not the one.

I'm stubborn like that and there's nothing anyone can do to actually make me change my mind.

This song hurts. It's like slap slap slap, poke cut ouch right through the heart.

I guess I need time; I just need time.

Ahh yes, Caren and Kathy; this song is dedicated to the both of you too. I'm sorry you had to go through all this crap, but it is all just part of life isn't it? Whatever it is, just know that you're not alone okay? I may fail you sometimes, but God never will.

And He is always, ALWAYS there. I find great comfort in knowing that, and I sure hope you do too. Love you both !

xxx

Dancing in the Moonlight.

2009-06-02T18:38:00.005+08:00

The title is so irrelevant but I like lah, cannot ah? ;p

Anyways, just a few weeks of not blogging and this whole thing feels so alien to me now. Oh well, I'll get used to this again. :)

I love that feeling of accomplishment when I've done something and most of all, I like making Daddy happy. :) He allows me to do whatever I want now, even if I sleep till 4pm he wouldn't mind. Waah so nice. But no no, it's not heaven just yet. I have more studying to do. You see, I still have Bio and Algebra to study for.

7 done, 4 more to go. Then it's PARTY babyy ! :)

I realize I haven't been uploading pictures recently, so yes I shall do that now since I have some time to spare.

13th May

My Tree-na! HAHA geddit? x)

Okay, now I agree that my legs are long.

*Smoochies*

Sexy!

My favorite ! ♥

This was when TrinaTeoh came over. I remember it was a Wednesday; when everything was still absolutely perfect. Ugh so annoying! We played in the rain and came back soaking wet. It was so funny, cause our parents were staring at us suspiciously; their two crazy daughters running around in the middle of the night under the rain.

However, I could see that they were pleased.

My Dad and her Dad were college mates, and according to my Daddy, they were very close. They even went out on double dates with each other. Yeah, need I say more? So yeah, I guess they were pleased to see that their daughters could get so close, right Trina? :) We were running in and out of the house like mad people and I could hear the uncles saying, “Wah, look at them. Close buddies, close buddies.” HAHAHA hilarious!

Oh ohh, then Treena and I tried eavesdropping on their conversation while we were having Nata de Coco and when I was receiving yummy messages from him and guess what? They said we should have a monthly gathering and that we should probably even go on trips together. We were so excited so we mengada, kept going to them shouting “Yess yess ! We should go on trips together! We should have this every month!” The uncles and aunties just laughed at us.

I really wish it was true; the plans they were making. I miss Trina. I honestly love spending time with her. She brings out the craziness in me, and if you think I’m crazy, wait till you meet her. She’s never afraid to be herself even if it means making a fool out of herself and that’s what I love about her. She never lets the petty things in life stop her from having fun. We should be more like that. Cause really, what’s the fun in always holding back, trying to look good in other people’s eyes? Trust me; you’ll never learn to live that way. Go crazy, and stop letting your head stop you from doing what your heart wants to do!

But of course, my precious Trina knows her limit and she knows when to stop. She’s awesome that way. Also, she’s not just all that. She’s not just someone whom you can have fun with, no. Whenever there’s a problem, she’ll be there to help solve it; whenever you’re feeling down, she’ll be there to cheer you up; whenever you need her, she’ll be there. She’s someone you can count on too; someone who is so wonderful and truly amazing and I just hope she knows that. I miss her; my Trina. She’s taught me so much about life and there’s nothing I can do or say to let her know how wonderful she really is. And Zane, all I can say is that you’re one hell of a lucky ~~bastard~~ dude; but I’m sure you know that. Tee-hee! :)

Trina Teoh wo de Wei Yi !

24th May

Peek-a-boo !

IvySpicySuperSexySweetie!

This is awesome. Guess who took this? Answer: Nobody! x)

♥

Everyone looks so good, yes? :)

I will miss you guys. But promise me this wouldn't be the end? Because really, this is just the beginning;

a beginning for us newly confirmed Catholics. It's up to us on how we want to live our lives now.

It's our time to decide; decide who we want to be, and how we want to make a difference in this world.

And no matter what, we'll have each other right? You guys are like family to me,

and losing any of you would kill so please, keep in touch and come back to teach.

I want the 4 or 5 year old kiddos so no stealing! Hehee :)

& & most importantly, keep the fire burning people! With God, all things are possible.

Yes, note to self. :)

Okay, I'm off to bake some California Walnut Brownies with Tikah now! Yumm. :)

xxx

How can you break a broken heart?

2009-05-24T01:24:00.006+08:00

It's so hard to stay strong when nothing is ever right, and when everything is always wrong..

"Stupid stupid girl," the voice inside her head mocks her every time she thinks of why she had let him in again. Time and again she'd given him the power to break her already shattered heart.
What a stupid stupid girl.

However, this is the last straw. Too much wasted tears over one boy, who's probably never shed a tear for her. Even if she's not sick and tired of all this crap, I am. I really am; and I will do everything in my power to stop her from making the same mistakes again.

It's time to wake up !

He whispered I love you, and she believed him..

That was her biggest mistake.

SugarSweetMemories :)

2009-05-15T23:17:00.007+08:00

my BESTFRIEND is heart broken all over again because
of that same JERK!

anyway to you, all i can say is that u made a MISTAKE!

a HUGE one. one thats gonna make u regret.

sorry, but you've taken ur chances and misused it.

now its just, GOODBYE!

Jocelyn sweetie, u know u deserve more! much much more!

i know it's not easy to get over this but u're going to try n

we are in this together :)

God, has someone special waiting for u.

someone u won't be able to get enough off.

He is probably just as heart broken that u had to go through

all this before meeting the right one.

but oh well, v all learn from our mistakes dont we?

anyway, this isn't going to be a sad, emo post

there's more to life than crying over spilt milk :)

here are pictures from all the fun times we've had.

we look like clowns in some, but its surely the memories that matters most xD

guess wat, i saw this shop in Bali =)

our wonderful car rides. dun believe the stories mum tell u bout me k? haha i'm actually a very GOOD GIRL xD

being confirmed feels soo much better than we expected it too..

my da cheh. haha <3

our oh-so-fun sleepover!

MY CONFIRMATION PARTYYYY

thank u so much for all the wonderful, memorable times sweetie.

the sleepover, the parties, the swimming pool :)

we make the best party companions EVER! hehe

and u know wat, i'll NEVER forget the endless times v argued on how to pronounce

the word l.o.l!! haha that was hilarious la.

u understand me so well, and i will truly cherish u till FOREVER! :)

this guy issue so isn't our thing! wait till the right time comes.

we'll make them fall head over heels:)

in conclusion, i dunno wat i'll do without u!

thank u for ur existance... ilyy soo very very much!

love, the bestfriend!

:)

2009-05-15T01:28:00.005+08:00

:) :) :)

Hold me close, under the sunset
In the middle of the park.
I don’t mind; with you it could be anywhere
And please look me in the eye and tell me: “This is not a dream”

Even if this is all just a dream, please don't wake me up from it.

Please, just don't wake me up.

P/S: I won't be blogging for a while. I've got exams at the end of the month. I'll have to be more like Caren and nerd! LOL. x)

However, don't you worry people, I'll have little little updates like this. Otherwise Caren would probably update for me anyways. Yaayy! :)

xxx

This has to be it. Right?

2009-05-12T00:46:00.004+08:00

It's been a long time since I've felt this way. I'm happy. I'm so truly HAPPY I just

want to scream and shout and jump ! :) Aahhh.
I can feel my heart smiling.

I want this to last. Please tell me it'll last.

xxx

You're the Greatest Love.

2009-05-10T15:28:00.007+08:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, MOMMY !

And to all mothers out there,

Happy Mother's Day to you too. :)

She used to be my enemy and never letting me be free,
Catching me in places that I know I shouldn't be,
Every other day I crossed the line
I didn't mean to be so bad,
I never thought you would become a friend I never had

Back then I didn't know why,
Why you were misunderstood (mama),
So now I see through your eyes,
all that you did was love

I didn't want to hear it then but
I'm not ashamed to say it now,
Every little thing you said and did was right for me,
I had a lot of time to think about,
about the way I used to be,
Never had a sense of my responsibility.

Mama I love you, Mama I care,
Mama I love you, Mama my friend,
You're my friend

♥

P/S: You deserve so much more than just a thank you, but I don't know how else to show my appreciation. I love you so much more than I can say, Mom. You're the light of my life; always shining so bright.

xxx

My everyday Miracles.

2009-05-08T00:20:00.007+08:00

Happy Birthday Daddy Dearest!

You so Handsome! :)

Nothing can possibly express the love and appreciation I have for you
You give me strength when I am weak; you give me faith when I feel low about myself;
you give me courage when I am afraid; you offer me guidance even when I think I won't be needing it.
You never gave up on me and have always believed in me. You made me believe that I could be
so much more than I think I could, yet never wanting me to be more than who I am.

When all hope is gone, and I feel I can't go on, you pick me up and you give me love.

And most of all, you give me $$$ when my pocket's empty or simply because. HAHA.

You're my hero, Dad in every possible way.

It's your Birthday today, so just put your feet up, relax(emphasis on that) and feel special - cause that's what you are!

With lots and lots of love, from your one and only darling baby. :)

♥

***

Happy Birthday Jasmine Chuah!

Uhm umm, she'll grow up to be one sexy lad-ay.

Hmm, what can I say about you?

You're awesome. Yes, you certainly are.

I love sitting beside you because you always distract me from my work which somehow lessens my stress.

However, whenever we start talking, we can't ever stop and that is really bad knowing how much work I have. LOL.

It's funny how we never really talked in Chempaka but we get along so well when we both came to EVE. Me likeee. (:

You're a great friend and I truly enjoy your presence.

So yes, may your Birthday be as wonderful as you, my American Idol freak! :)

Have a great one, because you deserve it! Love love.

***

P/S to Dad and Jas: Ronaldo is hot okayh ! Grr.

xxx

You left. My love for you didn't.

2009-05-03T02:34:00.003+08:00

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

xxx

CarenAlysshaKatrinaPhilipwantstogetmarriedwithJocelynCamillaTiong! :)

2009-05-02T04:51:00.002+08:00

HI CAREN!

(Like the title of the post? Turns you on huh? x) Let's elope! HAHAHAHA!)

I'm still awake. I'm so sleep deprived but I have no idea what keeps me awake.

You came to my mind, and I thought of saying something but you so cacat

takda Facebook so I have no choice but to blahhh everything here.

Geez, who doesn't have Facebook? Even my teachers have Facebook laa you nerd!

LOL I had so much fun today by the way. I like your story, and I'm definitely gonna share it with your parents. x) *laughs hysterically*

Oh but you know what, I think I left our friendship card thingy at your place. =/

Bring it for me on Sunday kayh babe? OMG and my wet clothes. I'm so sorry. I totally forgot.

I remembered just as I was putting all my other clothes for wash. Sorry, I've been such a forgetful freak lately. Sigh.

Anyways, get Facebook okay? I can spam your wall instead of spamming my poor little bloggie.

But I know you feel flattered that you're always mentioned here. Well, you should be. HAHA!
I really had a great time sweets, thank you so much. Oooh wait, remember the pictures kayh?

Help me post them up here if you're not getting Facebook anytime soon.

Alright, I'm superfriggingtired.

Goodnight my precious Nerd. (:

P/S: I hope you saw your hidden card. And make sure you cry loads kay? You're supposed to! Hehee ♥

xxx

You caught me off Guard.

2009-05-01T03:22:00.000+08:00

HOHO!

And what did I say about coincidence? My instincts always gets it right. Always.

Right Caren? Yes, you know I'm right.

I can't wait to see you tomorrow, woman! Okayh, I would probably be late, considering how late it is now. Sorry, I had to stay up. I'll tell you all about it tomorrow kay? I don't know even know how should I react to this. So glad I'll be seeing you in less than 12 hours. :)

You can help me with this yayy! (: I can sort of guess what you're gonna say though.

Just please don't torture me tomorrow kay? You know I love you.

xxx

Jinxed much?

2009-04-30T21:59:00.006+08:00

I lost my phone, and all I can freaking think of is him. -__-

And yes, of course the first thing that came to my mind was, "Oh crap.. What am I gonna do? My parents are gonna kill me.

No, this can't be happening." But after awhile, all I could think of was the messages stored in them.

The ones which mean and probably cost so much more than the phone itself.

Whenever I'm upset, I just read the messages over and over again. Sure, it makes me feel worse sometimes, but it helps.

I like reading his messages. Then I was going through the what ifs.

What if he tries to text me but I wouldn't be able to see the messages? What if he thinks I'm ignoring him? What if one day he just stops trying?

Sigh. This is shit. I really feel like shit.

I have never lost my phone so I never knew it'd feel this way. Poor Maynie, I've lost count on the number of times she's lost her phones. I feel your pain now! :(

I'm so jinxed today. Especially today.

First, I got up only to find myself in front of the TV (Thank God it was switched off. Daddy probably switched it off before he went to bed. I really don't like his new work now!)

and was so upset because I didn't make it through the whole match. Didn't even know the scores. Grr.

But good thing I watched what seemed to be the only goal. (:

Moving on.. So, just as I was getting out of the car when Mom dropped me off at school,

I carelessly dropped my specs on the road and.. Guess what? I terpijak-ed it. Sigh.. Obviously it's broken now.

And then, the whole phone thing. Seriously could this day get any worse? Mom was like, "You should've just stayed home today.

I knew you were too tired for school anyway. Your football laa." Gee, not football okayh!

Why you all finding fault with football today? Even Mrs. Bepono, and apparently she wants to crush Man Utd

and Ronaldo because I fell asleep in class. :( Sorry lah, but crushing Ronaldo is simply unacceptable!

Thou shall love one another, and Ronaldo is not an exception. (:

Understood people? Hehee thankyouverymuch.

Now where was I? Oh yes, my phone. Then my baby went missing. Sigh. I need it back, seriously. I want the messages and really, what if lah? Well, there's nothing I can do about it now so I'm not gonna whine about it.

Hopefully I'll get the news from Ron by tomorrow. But he said not to get my hopes up too high. I hate when they say that. :(

Nevermind. *still hopes and prays for the best*

However, to make it all better, my parents were so so truly awesome about the whole thing.

Mommy kept saying it was okay, cause she could hear me crying over the phone although I wasn't. -__-

And Daddy kept patting me on the back telling me that it's alright and that he'll get me a new phone.

Sigh, they make me feel all better. And it's so good to know that they're always there for me. Right or wrong, they've always been there. It's amazing really, to have parents like mine. (:

I love my Mommy and Daddy. Have I ever told you that? Well, it's one of those things which go unsaid right? (:

Now I miss my cheche. Come back quick, but have fun in the meantime okay?

It's good to know that at least one of us is having some fun.

xxx

To a very special someone..

2009-04-27T23:11:00.031+08:00

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY 19th BIRTHDAY, KENNETH CHENG! (: (: (:

Told you I'll always to be the last to wish you. Being the first is so cliché and yes, I just want to be special. Hehee.

I'm so glad you remembered. However, I can't believe I wasn't late enough this year. Grr..
I suppose I couldn't wait any longer so I just had to wish you. Whoopsie?

LOL anyways, please don't overthink stuff okay? I know how you are, and you do that waaay too much.

It's certainly time for you to take a break and just enjoy the moment.

Don't keep worrying about things. You'll see that everything will get better once you learn to sit back, relax, and go with the flow.

Whatever happens, happens right? Life is way too short to keep worrying about unnecessary things.

Yes I know, note to self. (:

This is such an old picture of us but I guess that's what makes it even better; brings back memories.
Oh well, I really hope you had a great Birthday because you honestly deserve it! :D

It's friends like you who make this world a better place to live in. ♥

Much love,

xxx

Keep holding on.

2009-04-26T22:08:00.011+08:00

Okay, moment of truth.
Alright, what if everything Caren said last night was true? Maybe I'm not even trying to get over him?
Maybe I don't want to forget about him?
Maybe I don't want to let go because I know that if I do, I might not be able to feel this way again.

Just thinking about him makes my stomach twitch. And when he smiles at me I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
He makes me stammer, he makes me stutter, and he certainly makes my heart flutter.
I like this feeling. Heck, I love this feeling.
So yes, getting over him is definitely the last thing I'd want to do. Probably I will.
Eventually.

But for now, I won't try to stop this feeling. Even if it kills me, I shouldn't.

Because if I do, it'll probably just come back again like what Melia che said.

And this time, if the feeling stops, it should stop for good.

We all know I've had enough.

P/S: Special thanks to my lovelies, for such a wonderful time last night. Thank you for making my Confirmation day better than I've ever imagined. Thank you for coming, and spending time with me. It means so much more than you know. I love you awesome, precious people!

I just want to breathe again.

xxx

Still hung up on You.

2009-04-24T01:00:00.013+08:00

I'm so upset. Things are not working out the way I've been planning and it's just so disappointing.

I've put so much into this, and my head keeps replaying parts of how I want the night to be, but now my hopes are shattered. I just wanted to share the joy with my closest friends on what could be the biggest day of my life. Is that too much to ask for? Caren and Rach wouldn't be able to come, and Summer and Trina hasn't confirmed yet. I'm so bummed. We had so much in plan. Sigh.. TriMmer, please tell me you can? I'm praying really really hard, you have no idea. I miss the both of you. And mad cow disease much would be an understatement.

To make matters worse, everyone has been so stressed up lately. Daddy especially. And Caren too. I'll talk more about that later. *grumbles*

Every night, when I go to the study room to continue with my work, he'll be there, working like a mad man. On the computer 24/7. Mommy told me that sometimes he skips lunch because apparently he has no time to eat. -__-"

Sure, he lost weight and he's happy with that, but that's not the way you lose weight. Sigh..

Plus, he's been.... Yes, dot dot dot. I don't like. I'm so angry, furious, and disappointed, but most of all I'm so worried. I don't want that stupid man-made devilish thing to take him away from me. I know, stupid girl don't say that but I can't help it okayh? It's the same thing EVERY NIGHT -as if it's a routine now- and all I can do is sit there and try to stop him but he would say.. "Just one more kayh? One more." I say no, then he gives me this puppy dog face and promises that he'll stop. And me being a nutcase enabler will say yes just to make him happy. Yes, enabler. Go google it if you don't know. See how awesome Psych is? :)

However, I told Mom about this but she says all we can do now is pray. And yes lah, I'd stop giving in. Must be firm with my Daddy. HAHA OMG, I sound like the mother. *slaps forehead*

Daddy's birthday coming soon. Must write him a super sweet card or letter to tell him how I feel. Hopefully he'd listen to his baby girl. Ehh, I get good stuff from being a daddy's girl kay? Good stuff I tell you. (: I'm glad this post didn't sound as depressing as I thought it would be. It actually made me feel better. Thank you, blogger. You officially pass as one of my best friends. HeheHoho. *applause applause*

Oh yeah, Caren has been stressing like a mad woman, but that we memang know lah. She is THE hardest worker I've ever known and it's so hard to make her stop once she gets started on work. Geez.. Nerd, I worry about you. Don't go crazy kayh? One perfect example: Einstein. It's been scientifically proven that too much studying and overworking of your brains can drive you crazy. No kidding.

Ohkayh kiddos, I'm gonna take my Chem test now.

Wish me luck. *shivers pray pray pray*

I'm such a sucker for romance.

Or perhaps I'm just a sucker for you?

xxx

I miss you.

2009-04-20T00:00:00.000+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR GRANDPA.

Thank you for watching over us. I will always love you.

A hundred hearts would be too few to carry all my love for you.

♥

xxx

xxx

2009-04-12T11:07:00.003+08:00

hey woman!

i know u loveeeee me! so stop living in denial.. u CAN'T live without me, u know u cant! heheee. anyway, caren is NOT sorry coz she did msg you saying she is going for mid-night mass, its just you who did not read the msg! =(
anyway caren loves u very much n she surely can't live without you coz you're her OXYGEN remember?? so dont go too far away from her or she'll just DIE ?? lol
anyway lady, can u pretty pretty pls come over to my house this friday?? i reli need ur help as im totally handicapped when it comes to stuff like cards as u know..

here's the post u asked for sweetie.

thanks for being the wonderful, amazing, awesome, gorgeous friend u r.

u really are a blessing n i truly thank God for u =)

thanks a million for always being there for me especially when it comes to u-know-who

we're strong, brave girls n we've got God on our side so we'll pull through now, wont we?

*btw dear, u really should listen to the song 'best days of ur life' by kellie pickler it'll make u feel good :)

Hmphh.

2009-04-12T01:34:00.006+08:00

CAREN ALYSSHA KATRINA PHILIP MARGARINE BUTTER COOKIE CUPCAKES CACAT WOMAN!
WHY YOU NEVER TELL ME? =/

Joce is angry. Joce is very very sad. Caren never tell Joce earlier. =/
Joce want to see Caren. Caren went for Midnight mass but Caren no tell Joce.

Joce will be going to church tomorrow, but Joce won't see Caren. Sigh..

Joce no friend Caren anymore! Caren broke Joce's heart. Joce divorce Caren!

Joce go cry herself to sleep now.

Poor poor Joce.

:( :( :(

Joce so sad, Joce no put the xxx there. Hmphh.

Could this be real?

2009-04-11T16:01:00.009+08:00

And then you came back. Again.
Although I had been waiting for you all this time, I was still surprised.
Because you seemed so sure now. You said we could be together. You said that we would last.
When you tell me things which seemed questionable, I questioned you.
But it doesn't take a lot for you to convince me. You knew that very well, and you knew that I'd somehow end up believing you anyway.
Because I always do. And really, this time.. it seemed real. It honestly did.

But then I heard this familiar voice calling out for me, "Joce Joce! Look who's here? Joce!"
Then I heard another voice with giggles and laughter in the background,
"Joce! Asheelaa's here lahh!" I jumped up only to find my sister with our church friend in my messy bedroom.
They were laughing at me. Grr.

It was so real and satisfying that I almost cried upon waking up, only to find it a dream.

Yes, it was just a dream. A stupid dream made up in my head.
But at that moment, I wished they never would've woken me up to reality. Sigh..

A dream is a wish your heart makes.
In dreams you will lose your heartaches
Whatever you wish for you keep.

xxx

Randomness is Sexy!

2009-04-11T01:35:00.006+08:00

I am so BLOODY happy!

Haha my close friends would understand mah beeyootiful language. HAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEEHOHO!
Kay, 10 things that I get high on. Random but I just thought of it so shh. :)

I get high when my Moon arrives.
I get high on Snickers.
I get high with the smell of Petrol.
I get high on UHU glue.
I get high on Whiskey.
I get high on Coke.
I get high on Cupcakes. Yummy.
I get high on hyper text messages.
I get high on RONALDO! (:
I get high on You. Your smell, your smile, your laugh, your taste, your everything.

You're like a drug to me;
my own personal brand of heroin.

xxx

Hehe-Hoho!

2009-04-10T19:10:00.005+08:00

omg....JUST WHO IS THIS DROP-DEAD GORGEOUS HEMSEM BOY??

That Jocelyn is Gaga-ing over!

I'll be back.

2009-04-05T15:19:00.008+08:00

I couldn't update because I was afraid that whatever I write here would come off depressed and melancholic,

which would only make me feel worse. Plus, I really don't want this place

to turn into some emo-fied blog.

So yes, give me some time off kay? I'm sorry, I miss you too my dear bloggie. =/
But have no fear, I'll be back in a jiffy.

:) :) :)

A thousand words couldn't bring you back. I know because I tried.

Neither could a thousand tears. I know because I cried.

You left behind a broken heart, and happy memories too.

But I never wanted memories, I only wanted you.

xxx

I laugh at Happy Endings.

2009-04-01T21:23:00.004+08:00

I honestly believed in you
Holdin' on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

Maybe I was naïve,
Got lost in your eyes
I never really had a chance.
My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upperhand.
I had so many dreams about you and me.
Happy endings;
Now I know

I'm not a princess
This ain't a fairytale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

I honestly loved you. I still do.
But I'm tired. I'm tired of all the lies.
I'm tired of being so afraid, not knowing when I'd wake up to find you gone; out of my life.
It's good that it's over now, no? I'll be fine.

I AM fine. (:

Don't worry about me, darlings.

xxx

It's time.

2009-03-31T15:26:00.004+08:00

I skipped school today, cause I woke up feeling all tired and nauseous.
I barely had any sleep, was just tossing and turning all night long. Geez, I couldn't stop thinking.

I'm about to do something which is a matter of life or death.

I'm so afraid of what the answer will be, but I know I'd have to do it. Sooner or later I'd find out anyway. Sigh..

I'm so scared and nervous that I could faint.

Please help me, Lord. I need you.

xxx

Monkey Business..

2009-03-28T17:07:00.005+08:00

OMG WTF BBQ?!
I SAW A MONKEY! A FRIGGING MONKEY!

On the balcony right outside the room!

Okay, see I got up really late today and I saw this black animal figure moving right on my Romeo-Juliet (Heheee!) balcony.

I honestly thought it was a cat, which was why I was wondering how it'd had gotten up there.

And also, you know how cats scare me. Grrr..

So okay, I put on my glasses and went to check on it properly.

I slowly peeped through my curtain and WHATTHETOOOOOTT?!

It was a monkey and what’s scarier is that it was staring right back at me!

OMG its eyes were bulging out as if it saw heaven.

Well of course it did, it saw me! (: HAHAHA!

Okay no, I’m serious. I swear I’m serious. I’m not delusional, shaddup Zane!

Well, I actually jumped back and was so bloody freaked out. IT STARED RIGHT BACK AT ME LAH WTH!!!

I just stood there dumbfounded that I didn’t even think of taking a picture of it.

But once I took out my phone, it was gone because this stupid bird

came and caught the monkey’s attention so it went climbing down the tree.

Goodness gracious, it was so fast!

Never have I been so flabbergasted, so stunned in my life.

Just as I was about to text Zane, my Kakak came in. She was calling me to have my brunch,

so I told her about the whole thing:

“Kakak! Ada monyet di luar balcony saya!”
“Huh? Mana?”
“Tak tahu, sudah climb bawah.”
“Oh yalah tu, Kakak pun nampak semalam, tapi Adelyn kata kakak bluff dia.”
“Eh kak, jangan keluar dari rumah ya? Monyet di situ lah.”
“Okay, saya pergi tutup semua window sekarang.”
“Yess, cepat!”

OhmyGoodness, my Malay so karat already lah!

And see? My kakak saw it too! I’m not delusional you freak!

Plus, if I ever see a flying pig, it’d be you. Geez Zane. Well, at least Summer believes me! (:
Anyway, I’m still serious. The monkey was staring right back at me. Gives me the shivers. *shrugs*

Believe it or not, it’s up to you. ;p

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back!

Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't,

be content it grew in yours.

Amelia che told me the same thing, and I'd

hate to admit that, but it's incredibly true.

xxx

You're the only one who can make my heart smile.

2009-03-27T23:57:00.000+08:00

So I did my extra credit Bio experiment. It was worth 20 points,

I would never say no to that. So yess, I handed it in already. So happy! (:

Gosh I've been such a nerd this whole week.

Staying up till 2-3am just trying to get all my work done.

Geez, but thank God Zane helped me through it. He called and we were talking

for almost 3 hours on Wednesday night. I used up all his credit,

hehee so happy so happy! ;p

This whole week has been extremely crappy.

I couldn't meet up with any of my sayangs. And whatthehell

I didn't even go to Caren's place as planned. Now I have so much to tell her on Sunday,

that I don't even know where to start. =/ And I miss you lah babe, tak bleh tahan ni!

And to add to all this, Renise left to New Zealand on Wednesday for two weeks.

Two weeks which will seem so bloody long because school's a bore without her.

And no Chuah, you're very fun too. Just that if Renise was here,

it'd be better. I'm sure you'd think so too. (:

However, I have to admit that I had lots of fun beating up Josh for the past few days.

Chuah was scratching him like mad till it bled, and I was punching and kicking

him like nobody's business. We so ganas, I know! (: I think I bruised myself while punching him.

Stupid Joshua, blame your big fat stupid skinny bones!

But I know you felt the pain too, so I'm happy! Nyahah!

He's so annoying; says the most irrelevant things at all the wrong times

to all the wrong people! Gee Joshua Jeevan, you're 19 for goodness' sake!

I can see why you told me you pity Renise (yes babe, I'll definitely tell you all about it! [: ).
LOL you're retarded. ;p Grrr..

Hahahahahh okay okay, you're actually not all that bad when you behave properly.

You know, like normal people do? I could get along perfectly fine

with you in the car because finally, you were acting like a human being.

Ask Eli James; he'd agree with me. Be more like that, cause then I'd soon learn to accept you.

HAHA you know I'm kidding. (: But of course there are some truth in this too.

Bee Tee Double-U, Earth Hour tomorrow at 8:30pm - 9:30pm!

WOOHOO MAKE SURE YOU SWITCH YOUR LIGHTS OFF PEOPLE!

I'll come haunting you if you don't. Teehee. We shall save the world!

Let's Vote Earth!

Yayyy, I'm so excited! :D :D :D (I wish with all my heart that you'll be there too)

P/S: I just hate not getting replies from you. ISH ISH ISHH! *sulks* I miss you. Do you?

I think it is better to let go and see if they come back
than it is to hold on and see if they let go. I'm afraid..

xxx

How do I get Better once I've had the Best?

2009-03-20T18:00:00.015+08:00

Have you ever had someone whom you thought you were in love with?

Well then, have you ever loved someone so much..

That every single song -or a single beat for that matter- you heard or was played on the radio

back when you were together made you recall the memories you had with him?

That you never get sick of his messages even if he texts you right from the early hours of the morning till late at night?

That you never ever get tired of hearing about his day even if the things he does every day were mostly the same repetitious stuff?

That you barely have time for anything else because all you ever do is think about him?

That when he leaves, it breaks your heart so bad that you feel that you’ve lost everything and that you feel you could never completely trust a guy again?

So I guess that’s my story to tell.

When you left, I was so unbelievably vulnerable that I did something so stupid and foolish

just to be sure that I could get over you; which of course in turn got someone else hurt.

Although he probably might have deserved it, still I was wrong for doing what I did.

When I was with him it was you I was thinking of.
When you left, I felt that I’ve lost a part of me - a huge part of me which brings me happiness.

My heart however, wasn’t broken. It was crushed.

Crushed into a billion pieces that I was sure that I couldn’t feel the same way about someone else ever again.

I know I’ve told myself not to let just one guy stop me from believing that there is actually true love in this world and trust me, I do try.

I’ve tried many times to let others in, but every time I start to get close to or think about falling for someone,

I’d be quick to pull myself back up.

Just because I would be reminded of how broken and torn apart I could get.

I know I shouldn’t let my fear get in the way of making my decisions but it’s incredibly terrifying.

Knowing that you have put your heart on the line, just waiting for someone to come along to either pick up the pieces or break it even more as if it's not already shattered. So, why risk that?

Alright, maybe I’m waaaay too young to even talk about love right now but I guess once you’ve felt it you probably know?

And now, it’s like every other guy who comes along will be compared to you, just because I thought you were perfect.

Perhaps I still do. Noone else comes close.

Noone else could make me feel the way you do.

Because when you smiled at me, you made me feel like I was everything.

Because whenever I'm with you, I get the butterflies and I feel all tingly inside.

And even when we're not saying anything, it feels so amazing just knowing you were right there with me.

I know I push you away now, and I don’t even understand why in the world I do that.

My friends hate that you’re never out of my life, but I can’t seem to imagine you not being in it.

Sigh, I really thought those crying days were over, but I could never really forget about you, could I?

You’re probably the only one I’ve ever truly loved with all my heart, and the only one who has the power to cut me so deep.

And it’s still a wonder to me because I only knew you for a short while back then.

Could all this just be in my head? I don’t know and I honestly, with all my heart want this to stop.

Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed

You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know

P/S: I’m sorry Summer baby, I know how much you hate when this happens. I know, and I’m sorry.. :( But thank you for always being so supportive. ILY!

xxx

You make me happy when skies are Gray.

2009-03-19T21:04:00.008+08:00

HEHEHOHO !
I'm so hyper now la! Blame Caren.

She's exceptionally extremely unbelievably hyper today that even I couldn't believe it!

Seriously Ohmygoodness, I was taken aback by her unexpected message.

And apparently, I’m her dose of oxygen. Aww so sweet right? (:

LOL babe, I had so much fun talking to you, even if it was only for a little while.

I miss those times when we used to text every single day. I guess we both got caught up with school work huh?

But woman, you’ve got to stop overworking. I know how crazily obsessed you get with your books.

Sheesh you make me so geram especially when you bring those books out during Sunday school classes.

Tsk tsk, you’re such a nerd, you know? But a hot one lah! (:

Hehe I know you know that I love you and I do okay. Very very much!

We shall stick to the plan okay? Hang out one of these days after school, grab some keropok lekor

and go to your house or something. As long as I get to see you la kay?

Maybe we can swim then? (: *shrieks* You make me so excited la woman!

And I just realized how many la’s you’ve made me use in this post.

OMG and the rojak-ness of my English. Oh no, what kind of language is this?

See, I just resisted using the la again. LOL!

I love you LAH Caren Alyssha! (Your name sounds so pretty, I jealous hehee..)

You bring such joy to my life and I love seeing you happy, because it makes me so truly happy! (: (: (:

xxx

You're my Sunshine even when it Rains.

2009-03-15T20:10:00.012+08:00

I am not gonna talk about the match last night. Grr..

I'm sure it was only a stupid dream. Right Chuah? (: Sigh, and you people helped a lot la seriously.

By texting me all those awesome messages. Ughh go die!

Anyway, I am so happy wooohoooooooo!
One Tree Hill & Gossip Girl coming my way babyy! (:
Countdown countdown!
I can start downloading OTH in 1 day 12hours and 42minutes!
For GG, I can start an hour earlier. OMG so happy! I cannot wait laahh..

After a gazillion years of break from the two most awesome drama series in the whole wide world! Hehee, I loooove!

And and, I'll be going out with the Trimmers tomorrow! (: Haha that makes up Trina and Summer. My two most favorite people in the world!

So excited lah, we have so much to catch up on.

And babes, sorry in advance cause I'm gonna be questioning ALOT; interrogating even. x)

Sorry lorh, I haven't seen you both in ages okaay.

Plus, I'm really jealous of the amount of time you girls get to spend with your other friends, so I want tomorrow to be our time okay? Just the three of us; like before. You have no idea how much I miss those times. I think about the both of you every time my mind isn't on workmode. That sounds gay but whatevs, I just miss you okay?

P/S: Summie, if I arrive at your house tomorrow and see you sleeping, I'll jump on you kay? Don't say I never warned you. x) Hehee cannot wait!

And Trinie, you still look incredibly sexy hot even with your bandage and scar. Really and Truly, I promise!

xxx

I feel so alone.

2009-03-03T17:44:00.012+08:00

You've become someone so entirely different that I don't know who you are anymore.

We hardly ever talk nowadays and it's as if we're complete strangers.

Here I was thinking that nothing could ever come between us, but I guess I was wrong.

I used to be the one whom you came to for anything and everything, but now..?

Somehow I just feel like I've been replaced. Don't tell me I'm wrong because we all know it's true.

Ask everyone and you can be sure they'll say the same.

Okay, I admit I'm jealous.

So, congratulations if you were actually trying to make me jealous, cause you obviously succeeded!

It's just heartbreaking to think that someone THAT close to you could drift away so much from you, but the people whom you've never thought would stick with you actually does.

I just miss you so much, and I want you back. ALL to myself.

----

You should really leave her alone.

I know you can't ever get enough of her but seriously, hasn't she been hurt enough by you?

If you want her, then want her enough to actually keep her!

But if you're going to lead her on and hurt my poor best friend again, you can be sure that I won't let you go that easily.

I promise you, I will hunt you down and chop off whatever man left in you!

Parang okaaay! Ha-Ha-Har! I'll be watching.. *evil grin*

xxx

Jesus, take the wheel.

2009-03-01T22:27:00.006+08:00

Still so sleepy and blurry-eyed from the lack of sleep; I was caught off guard by what my mom told me. I thought I was going to faint; with the shock I felt. It was 6.15 on a Monday morning and the first thing she said to me was that my Uncle just passed away. And she really had a "great" way of breaking the news lah.

I had no idea how to react; so I did nothing. Absolutely nothing. No tears, nothing.

As I brushed my teeth, tears swelled up in my eyes and it stung so bad that I just burst out crying. It was so unexpected. All I could ever think of that moment was how my Ee-Ee is. How was she holding up, will she be okay, and if there was anything I could do to make her feel better.

But of course, what could I do to make her feel better? In fact, what could any of us do to make things alright for her? Well, I guess there was nothing else we could do than to just pray for her. Prayers always work. I know it does. It has helped her through this whole week. Helen Ee-Ee has been SO strong about all this, and I truly admire her for her strength.

It amazes me that she could even smile and laugh with us; although of course, sometimes I feel that she might be doing that so that we wouldn't worry too much about her. However, I believe that she had gotten the strength from God and He will continue to help and guide her through her everything. She is a lovely woman who deserves all the love and care in the world.

He was a good man, my uncle. My cheche and I used to be extremely close to him when we were young, but as we grew older, I guess he got shy to play with us. And so did we. However, just a few months ago, it was getting back to the way things were. He was sending me emails and all. Sigh.. Memories of him will be cherished and held on tight forever.

Life is truly so short, but it has never hit me this way and this hard. Someone could be perfectly fine one day and the next he's in this whole new world. We can go so unexpectedly, and yet we take life for granted. Live life to the fullest; no regrets.

So to ALL my lovely friends, I love you. Each and everyone of you. I don't want to leave this world knowing you guys didn't know how much you mean to me.

"We can plan our lives however we want them to be, plan our futures, plan our days as we go by; but at the end of the day, God decides. He'll be the one deciding when our time is up. So cherish each day, cherish the people around you, and most of all cherish your life. Because when your time is up, it isn't how successful or how much money you make that matters; it's what you are and what you make of the life given to you." - Inspired by Helen Ee-Ee (Have I told you how wise she is? 'nuff said!)

May we continue to find great peace in knowing that Uncle Michael is safe in heaven with Jesus; together with Grandpa. Amen! (:

xxx

HEY HEY YOU YOU!

2009-02-20T23:40:00.009+08:00

HI RONALDO! :) :) :)

HI YOU! HI SUMMER GAN! HI TRINA TEOH! HI ZANE GAN! HI JOHO!

HI CAREN ALYSSHA! HI RACHEL LAI! HI CHECHE! HI AMELIA!

HI BAK KUT TEH CHUAH! HI RENJOSH! HI KAY JEN!

HI NOREEN! HI ASHEELAA! HI PRAVEENA! HI EVIE! HI STEPH!

HI MAYN! HI MING ZEN! HI CARISSA!

HI AMANDA! HI SEAN! HI JUSS! HI KATZY!

HI JEREMY! HI MARK! HI NICK!

HI BHUD! HI LASH! HI LILANI! HI J.B! HI PRISCA! HI JOSHUA!

HI JAY! HI SEHERISH! HI KUHAN! HI TIKAH!

& HI STEPH TIONG!

HI MOMMY! HI DADDY! ;)

LOL I just felt like saying HI. (:

So, HI EVERYONE!

I'm crazy, but I like it! I'm just feeling all hyper and happy today, although I'm so knackered! And you wonder why.

Well, keep wondering my dears; you'll get there someday. x)

P/S: My Tiong inspired me to do this, by giving me such a big HI. :)

xxx

I don't like this feeling I've been having.

2009-02-20T01:51:00.008+08:00

The bloody thing isn't working again!

I know it's late but I really have to print it all now so that I can get my work done by tomorrow. Ughh! This is making my life so hard.

But hey, don't get me wrong. I love school! So so much.

But it's stressful too. I don't even have time for my bestfriends anymore. Sigh.. I miss them so much, and I'm jealous. I am so jealous.

I miss him. I miss her. I miss him, and her, and her, and her, and her, and him.

I miss them! With all my heart and soul.

I miss you, and I need you.

P/S: I've got stories to tell but I'll tell them some other time okay?

I really should go now. Goodnight dearies.

xxx

This question keeps spinning in my mind.

2009-02-16T00:31:00.005+08:00

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know

What if I had never walked away

'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

If only we could turn the hands of time
If I could take you back would you still be mine?

xxx

Valentines with Lovelies.

2009-02-14T18:09:00.001+08:00

So I had dates for Valentine's Day.

Not one, but eight! :) Spent my Valentines with Caren. And CheChe, Noreen, Asheelaa, Praveena, Evie, Steph, and Isabelle(Big Foot). So awesome right? Hehee I know. (:

One of THE best Valentine's Day I've ever had. Thinking about it, I think this is actually the only Valentine's Day that I didn't spend alone, at home. Don't laugh okaay! I'm such a sad sad person I know. =/ But whatevs, I can kiss that goodbye. I had such a great time with them. We went to eat, talk, walk, shop, talk, watch movie, talk, shop, eat again, and talked. LOLLIES so fun right? :)

Yeapps, we watched New in Town.

Didn't even know that the movie existed at first; I actually thought we were gonna watch The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but turned out that it was fully booked.

Was disappointed but it's okaay, that show turned out pretty good in the end.

It was sort of a slow moving movie but it was extremely (and I mean extremely) funny at one part. Seriously, all of us were literally laughing our asses off. Not only us, but everyone else in that cinema. OMG it was so funny, I think I actually kicked the person in front of me. No kidding. I was laughing like a mad cow that my legs just came out of nowhere and *ka boom* whoops. HAHA!

Damn funny la ohmygoodness. I can still laugh about it whenever I think of it. But I shouldn't be surprised la. Renee Zelwenger is funny. So anyway, picture time! ;)

Caren & Asheelaa ♥

So pretty (:

Evie. :)

Asheelaaaaaaaaa and Stitch! :D
So cuteah Stitcha.

Oooh, and have I told you that I got a flower? From a complete stranger somemore you know. :) LOL. Not telling who, you guess. ;p

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY, EVERYONE!

P.S:Caren, thank you for such a wonderful time. You're an angel disguised in a form of a Devil. HAHA kidding. I love you.

Summer, Trina, JoHo, & Zane, make sure we spend Valentines together next year? All of us. Promise? :) I love you guys.

P.P.S: And Zane, I heard that you're a very boring boyfriend. Please kindly UN-boring yourself, or do you need me to show you how? ;p Nyeheheh I'm so mean; but only to you. (:

xxx

A little too not over You.

2009-02-12T20:49:00.012+08:00

I hate you for screwing up.
But I hate myself so much more for not giving you a second chance.

You broke my heart; into a billion pieces. It was so hard for me to mend it, trying to fix all the pieces back to where they belong. It took ages for me to fully recover from that heart break. But once I did, once I finally thought I got over you; you came back. And then you told me that you were in love with me. What the hell I know.

And seriously, what was I to do? Huh?

I guess I couldn’t accept whatever you said at the time, because it seemed so clear that you didn’t care when you left me hanging like that. That you couldn’t be bothered when you knew I was hurting. Or could you have been so oblivious to the fact that I actually was? At one point, you actually took away my faith in finding true love. I couldn’t let that happen again, which was why I pushed you away. I made it seem as if you never mattered, so you’d never know how I truly felt.

I don’t know what more to say. It’s been a long time, but it’s all coming back. Whenever I go pass that place, my heart skips a beat. Thinking about what happened before. It was so amazing, sometimes I wonder if I made that all up in my mind.
But I guess it doesn’t matter anymore now, does it?

xxx

You by the Light is the greatest find.

2009-02-06T23:00:00.013+08:00

Hello people ! Summer here (: I don't really know what to say. So I'll just let the pictures do the talking alright ?
I'm just posting up all the pictures I have . So forgive me if they're not in order.

I was 'posing' .
That's all for now people :)
Thank you , Joce; for letting me spam pictures on your blog.
Night people.

What if I fall short?

2009-02-01T22:34:00.008+08:00

I cannot sleep. Even when my body's extremely exhausted, and my eyelids can't seem to open any longer, my mind won't let me rest. I haven't been having any sleep these past few nights. I wake up feeling so tired and lethargic; and there goes the rest of my day. Ruined.

I laugh then I get cranky then I laugh like a mad cow then I get cranky again. It's like one minute I'm happy and the other minute I'm all pissed off. I feel so irritated for the littlest things.

I think I'm going crazy. I'm not one who has mood swings; this is not me.

I have so many things to do. I haven't been doing my school work, because my mind wouldn't even be able to function properly. I haven't been doing anything productive, and I feel so crappy. I feel so horrendous, sometimes I just break down. I cry for no reason at all. I lie on my bed hoping to fall asleep but all I do is cry and cry. I can't stop it. I can't help it. I don't know what to do. I don't like this version of me, and I can't afford to think so much. It's killing me.

I just hope when school reopens tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. I just need normal back in my life. I need my work to get my mind off things. That's the only thing that can keep me sane. At least for now. I'm so drained out.

I need my sleep, I need my rest, I need my best friends, and most of all, I need You, Lord. Every minute of every day. I can't do this anymore.

To my favorite cousins, with Love. ♥

2009-01-29T17:35:00.011+08:00

We've had so much fun. I'm not ready for you to leave. Not just yet.

Maybe not ever, but it sucks that you have to go so soon. These two months have been amazing mostly because of the both of you. The time we've had, the joy we've shared. It's all because of you.

You came back and suddenly it feels like 2006 again; before everyone left.

Last year's Chinese New Year was the crappiest because I was alone.

But this year..

This year I had so much fun. Not because we did anything special, but just because you guys were here. Because with you here, it truly feels like a holiday. Even though the ang pau's get lesser and lesser, and we didn't even get the chance to play fire crackers, I don't care. Those things don't matter, cause as long as we're together, it feels like CNY.

It's a tradition, ever since we were kids, to go back to Mama's house for Chinese New Year. The last few ones have been crappy because everyone left to Australia, and some even to London. Now although there were just a few of us, it was nice. You know why? Yes, just because Ming Zen and Jer Mayn were back. They came back and they changed everything.

I had so much fun when we stayed up that night just talking and laughing about the past. I've realized that no matter how much we've all grown up, we're still the same. It was just like before when we were little kids. Running around, playing ice and fire, police and thief, gambling, playing with tons of fire crackers, making so much noise, pissing off the adults, and of course with you older ones bullying us (Mayn, Megan, and myself). Now we get to bully the younger ones with you. x)

Mayn, remember when the older ones used to bully you and me? Haha it was so funny. We always wanted to follow them but they never allowed us to. They said that if we stayed home they'd reward us with ice cream or something. And being the good girls we ~~were~~ are, we always listened. I always wonder why Adelyn, and the other younger ones aren't like us. We were such good children, weren't we? x) Haha! Well Mayn, you have always been my favorite. The one I grew up with. And you're still my baby cousin. Even up till now, I've always had the need to protect you. I know that I may be a pain in the ass sometimes and I'm sorry if I have hurt you in any way. You have always been there for me through thick or thin and I’m truly grateful for you. I will miss you. For the good times we had together definitely overpower the bad ones.

Ming Zen, you have always been the person I look up to. Ever since we were kids, you have always protected me. Remember when those psycho gangsters from Mama's house bullied Mayn and I? Yeah, you and Jen-Ne were the first ones who came to our rescue. No matter how much you bullied us before, we knew that you were always looking out for us. You're like the big brother I never had, and I sincerely thank God for you. You're an amazing person and who has a heart of an angel. You're so thoughtful and caring in so many ways. You care about people's feelings and you always put others first. I'm so truly happy for you and Carissa, as you've finally found someone who is as wonderful as you. I will miss you, my hero.

So here's to the both of you, Ming Zen and Jer Mayn.
Thank you for making my two months with you ever so wonderful and unforgettable. You’ve always been my favorite cousins and will always be. ♥

Love forevermore,

xxx

Super late Christmas Post :)

2009-01-16T22:42:00.020+08:00

So because Blogger completely screwed up my posts, I won't type it all again. I'll just post pictures which I have already promised okay? Yes, blame Blogger thankyouverymuch.

22nd December

We went to Gardens to meet up before Christmas and spend some time together. I know, so high class right? LOL Yeah, it almost felt as if we were the bestfriends from Sex and the City. It was amazing; just the three of us. Makes me feel like crying whenever I think back. I just miss them so much. Kay, moving on.. time to meet the bestfriends. :)

Pretty Christmas Trees!

Summer psycho.

We ate in that Thai restaurant by the way. :)

Summer Gan.

Treena. Hahah! x)

Us.

My Lovelies.

Pregnant woman. x) *inside joke*

Kissy kissy! ♥

Summer's pretty room! :)

I was camwhoring in her room when she went to change. x)

:)

Thank you for an awesome Christmas. Although Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year, you both truly made it an extra special one for me. I will always treasure the moments we've had. And as I look back in time; be it tomorrow or a couple of years time, I will always remember that I had such wonderful friends like you. Yes you, Trina and Summer.
You two are my pride and joy. Sigh.. I miss you both like crap! =/

Love always. ♥

24th December

Christmas Eve with family in Grandpa's house. :)

The pretty Mandys!

Helen Ee-Ee & Baby Alex!

Che, Mandy, & Celine.

Uncle Peter = Tattoo Man
They were so amazed by his tattoos. Sandy said she's gonna get one herself. Haha I also want. But so pain laa. =/

Brian Chew-Chew. Haha so cuteee. :)

Julie Ee-Ee.

Oh hot damn!

Santa Claus, Julie Ee-Ee, & Mei Yin Ee-Ee.

Sexy Sandy & Baby Alex.

Mandy's so adorable!

I was already gone by then.
I couldn't even stand up straight. Thanks to my awesome Uncles la really.

Hahah! Tattoo Man was even worse. He was gone waaaaay before me. Talking nonsense and all. LOL. Oh and btw, this was the uncle who forced Whiskey down my throat. Now look at him. ;p LOL!

Now, that was it. My crazy awesome family! :)
We all dozed off right after that.

And that was the best Christmas I've had since my Grandpa passed away. I never expected it to be that good. Well, I guess it's true what they say - good things happen when you least expect them to. Thank You, Lord. :)

xxx

I hate blogger.

2009-01-16T18:06:00.008+08:00

OMGWTF!

Blooooooooodddyyy Hell. I was just uploading all the pictures from Christmas to my extremely long post which was saved in drafts since forever, but the whole bloody thing got deleted. I was writing about what happened from the 22nd all the way to the 27th. And now.. Seriously wtf la.

I know it's way too late for Christmas updates and all now but I've been terribly busy la. School and all. Seriously so stressed and now this bloody thing. Shit I'm damn pissed.

Fucking blogger. Spoil my mood. Ughhh!

How I spent my New Year's Eve.

2009-01-04T00:36:00.009+08:00

So, I spent my New Years Eve in a place where I would never regret. Yeap, I spent it with Miss Summer Labush! ;) It was so awesome. Her parents, her family.. They were all so sweet to me. They welcomed me into their house and made me feel so at home. I felt like I belonged; as if I was part of the family. Her Mommy is so lovely. She even made a toast for me saying something like, "And this is for Jocelyn. Let's welcome her as part of the family." OMG so sweet, I almost cried. =/

They're extremely amazing la. Every single one of them.

Chyen couldn't stop hugging me. Even before she left, she came out of the car to hug me again. She said, "I cannot stop hugging you. I have to hug you all the time." So adorable *melts*..
Owen was so cute too. He asked me to put on some scary mask (which belongs to Zane), but when I put it on, he ran away. So I chased him, and said that I was gonna kiss him. He laughs so cute. Sigh.. This is making me miss them. =/

Eu-Vern was so funny. When he first saw me, he was like,
"Hmm, it's been so long since I last saw you. I missed you laa, Jocelyn. *hugs me*"
Then he kept asking if I had a boyfriend. I was like, "Uhh, how old are you again?" LOL!
Zane was having a bad day/night but he couldn't show it cause he said he has to be happy for the New Year. Sigh poor bum, but thanks for the bicycle ride yeah? It was so awesome! So windy and I was shivering omg. My ~~boobs~~ were very much frozen when I got off. Hahahahh!

Summer is my baby. (:
Period.

We played ding-dong-ditch around the whole neighborhood. We ran up and down the roads, shouting "Happy New Year" at every house we tried to prank, just in case they got angry. But a "Happy New Year" greeting made them smile. ;) It was so much fun la. I wouldn't have had as much fun without any one of them.

Oh and Daniel is hilarious. He was so afraid we were gonna get caught while playing ding-dong-ditch. With every bell that I ring, he'll be like, "Ohh, Jocelyn's gonna get caught. Oh I heard the police siren. If anything happens, we'll just say it's you." Haha scaredy-cat. ;p

Anyway, picture time.

This is my psycho best friend.

This is US. Psycho-ing together. ;)

This is US. When we're not-so-psycho.

This is Ummer. When she's serious.

This is Me. When I'm not-so-serious.

"Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

So cuteah baby.

So squeezable! ;p

Chyen. So adorable right? :)

Eu-Vern. He was emo-ing. :(

Meet Eleanor. She's cute, but she kept scaring me by sniffing my head, when I was in the pool. =/

Zane looks so Duhhh. x)

So pretty. I LIKEE.. (:

Thank you, Summer and Zane, for letting me spend the New Year's with you and your lovely family. The both of you have been incredibly awesome to me for the past year and I can't explain how grateful I am. You both started off my New Year with a blast and I sure hope it'll end the same way; with you two by my side. You made my day, my year, and my life so meaningful and amazing by just being part of it.

I could never have wished for a better way to spend my New Year's Eve.
I love you both from the bottom of my heart. And your family too! ;)

P/S: Tell your Mom and Dad I said thanks for everything. Mainly for bringing the both of you into this world. (Haha oh no, I'm getting all deep and cheesy. Stop me now..!) *grins*

xxx

Are you ready?

2008-12-31T00:16:00.012+08:00

The New Year is coming.....

It's just around the corner....

It's only a day away..

The New Year is 23 hours and 44 minutes away.

As the year 2008 is coming to an end, we celebrate the beginning of a New Year. People always say that as the new year begins, we should start over. Begin a new life. Okay not much of that, but just turn over a new leaf, perhaps? Yeah..

I myself have so much in mind as to how I'll start my year. Of course, we all want the best, but sometimes things just don't go our way and we feel discouraged, beaten down. More often than not, the people around us seem to only help by tearing us down, instead of helping us improve, and encouraging us to do better. We get hurt. So hurt, that we start believing it's true. Believing that we're somehow "useless" creatures to this world. That the world will be just fine without us.

Then somewhere along the way, through times of difficulties, God sends angels to remind us of all the wonderful things in life. That no one is useless. And they make you realize that life is truly beautiful if you know how to live. As for me, I've had my fair share of angels, alright. And I really thank God for them. They're my greatest blessings in life and I would never trade them for anything in return. Because of these people, I've learnt that life isn't always what we expect it to be. However, it's the "downs" in life which builds us and makes us stronger.

So to my lovely angels (Summer, Caren, Trina, Jo Chuah, & Che) , I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for what you've been to me. I used to be so afraid of the future. Afraid of what may come my way, but now..

Now, I'm ready. :)
And I sure hope that you are too.

Have a Fantabulous & Blessed New Year, my dears!

Cheers!

P/S: I have so many choices as to where I should spend my New Year's Eve, that I don't know which to choose. The one which I really want to go, I can't because I wouldn't have any transport home.

1st choice: Curve- Watch the amazing fireworks (you know how crazy awed I get with lights, I WANT.. ), but I have no idea how am I going to get home.
2nd choice: Summer & Zane's place- Awesome, cause I'll get to spend the New Year's Eve with my best friends.
3rd choice: Grandma's place- Family, but only a few of them will be there. =/
4th choice: Church- Midinight mass will be fun, but I'll be going to church the following day anyway.
5th: Mayn's church- Nice, cause I like FGA, but quite awkward laa.

Oh well, let's just hope I make the right choice. ;)

xxx

Best time of the Year!

2008-12-24T02:39:00.007+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS ~~in advance~~, MY BELOVED PEOPLE!

May you all have a great and awesome one! I'm sure that I will. *winks*
Anyway, I reckon that I won't be blogging for awhile due to Christmas and all, but I can assure you that this place will be flooded with pictures once it's over (And I am really dreading that. I don't want Christmas to end.. =/ Sigh..).

Yes, I know I'm weird, I can't wait for Christmas and yet I'm already hoping that it wouldn't end. I guess I just want God to slow down the time once Christmas is here. But then again, I can't have the best of both worlds, right? Arghhh.. so annoying! :(

Okay whatever, I'll just enjoy the moment now. Besides, every 60 seconds spent upset is a minute of wasted happiness (something like that lah). Yeah, definitely note to self. But you have to understand, Christmas is just so precious to me! It's THE best time of the year. The only reason I look forward to the end of the year is because of Christmas.

I have so many plans, so little time. I just finished baking just now. Chocolate Cheese brownies baby! :) It's for tomorrow's party. I'll be extremely busy tomorrow! Have to actually wake up in the morning *slaps head* to go to my Grandpa's house. I've got to wrap presents for my Ee-Ee tomorrow. And I'll do the finishing touch for the Christmas Tree in Grandpa's house, and lay down the Christmas carpet (yeah, my Grandpa uses this carpet for Christmas every year. Thus, I call it the Christmas carpet *smiles*). And and, hang the stockings and the talking Santa up on the front door. Oh and the mistletoe, and Grandpa's shining star! The one hanging from the ceiling with pretty pretty light. Now you see why I can't wait?

Ohmygosh so exciting! :) :) :)
OoOoohh I tak sabar laaaaa!

P/S: I usually get at least 9 presents every year. But this year, I had so many more. From Summer and Trina. And Mom said she got us each 2 presents! Jealous much? LOL kidding la, it's not about the presents, remember? I just feel like bragging. ;p You know you still love me. Hehee.

CHRISTMAS here we come...

xxx

We were the Reason..

2008-12-21T01:06:00.009+08:00

I don't know why, but this year, everyone doesn't seem to be in the mood for Christmas. I don't sense any Christmas spirit around here. And I cannot stand this. So whenever I'm at home, I don't stop singing Christmas Carols. After a while, they just join in and sing with me. ;)

I just really need them to be excited for Christmas, you know? I need them to be like how we were when we were kids. To not be able to sleep just because we're so excited and we feel that Santa'll somehow come to put presents in our stockings. My mom did that once. She bought each of us stockings and told us to make a list of what we'd want for Christmas. She told us that she'll send it for us to the North Pole. We believed and did as we were told. We believed in Santa. Mind you, I do know that the main reason for Christmas is not about Santa or gifts, but I don't think there's anything wrong in believing and having childlike faith.

Don't you think that we should be celebrating? Celebrating the birth of our Lord? He gave his life for us! For each one of us! Sometimes I wonder why on earth would He do that. Why was Jesus so foolish to give His life for sinful, uncivilized, people like us. Why, why, why..? I'm not worth His life, heck I'm not worth anyone's life. But why.. He the KING, would die for us? Why did he choose to die for us when he could just be an ordinary person who could live, well.. a good life? Well, to Him it's simple. Just because He loves us so much, and there's nothing about him that's ordinary.

His unconditional and unfaltering love for us is greater than any love we could ever wish for, yet sometimes we tend to forget. Most of the time. Which I will openly admit, I do too. We try so hard to seek love from the world. To find someone to love, to find someone to love us, but what we fail to realize is that there's Someone up there who loves us so much, He took the time to create us. No love from the world could ever compete with the love that God has for us. His agape love for us is overwhelming.

Therefore, I will not fret on how things are on Christmas this year. As I now know.. I know from the very core of my soul that the greatest gift we'd ever receive is the gift of God's love. the gift of eternal life. The gift of salvation!

A few days ago, I discovered this song from Ming Zen. And it's amazing. So I Youtube-ed this song and found one with a really nice video clip, from the Passion of the Christ (be prepared for some tears okay?) Listen to the lyrics. It changed my view on Christmas and I realized that I was being selfish. Although I knew that Christmas was meant to be for Jesus, somehow, somewhere along the way, I lost focus and went to the gifts and Christmas Trees. But this song, this particular song, saved Christmas for me this year. It touched my life in a very unusual way and I hope that you'll let it touch yours.

We were the reason that He gave His life
We were the reason that He suffered and died
To a world that was lost He gave all He could give
To show us the reason to live

Our God is an awesome God!
He's extraordinarily extraordinary!

P/S: I cannot tahan the way those *insert appropriate word* people treated Jesus. The way they tortured Him. The joy it brought them in seeing Jesus suffer. Arghh..! We can only imagine the pain and agony that He'd been through. For who? For us.. I guess the least we could do is to live this life for Him. Noone else but Him. He's showed us the reason to live, so live life with a purpose. A purpose to serve Him. In any way possible. (When I write this out, I'm mainly telling this to myself. To remind myself how lucky I am to have an Almighty God whom I can also call my Father.)

xxx

Christmas don't be Late. ;)

2008-12-15T23:58:00.004+08:00

I went swimming with Mayn just now. ;)
We swam for what seemed like half an hour. But when I got out of the pool to check the time, it was already 9! Alamak, we actually swam for 1 and a half hours. Time passes when you're having fun. So true.

LOL okay.. so we were shouting and singing like how we always do. We're always like that with each other. Party starters they say. [:
Yeah, we were singing some Praise songs (yes I know, we're angels aren't we?). So nice, we were actually singing our hearts out, then suddenly so many people walked pass. OMG we were so afraid that the guards would come to chase us away. So we went silent for awhile, then sang loud again, shhhed whenever people walked by, then screamed like nobody's business once they were gone.

Then I went up to the sides to do a toe touch and landed in the pool. I kept doing it over and over again, then I told Mayn to follow me. She came up and started singing. So we stood there on the top pretending we were on stage singing to a bunch of audience. The pool, apparently, was our audience. HAHAHH so funny I know. :)

Suddenly, as always.. I thought that something bad would happen. I always had that feeling whenever I was somewhere, uhm.. unsafe? A place where bad stuff could happen. Like I would be near a drain and think of the worst things you could EVER imagine.

For example: I was in the LRT train station waiting for the train to come, and was bored so I kept walking around. And just say I was curious, and wanted to see what was down there on the tracks. So I crossed the yellow line, tip-toed and leaned forward to get a better view of the whole thing. Just so happen, someone was riding a scooter, and hit me. I fell in. Just as I was falling, the train was coming at a full speed. Then KABOOOM *Bang! Rolls over me; body and head gets squashed under; intestines and brains splash everywhere; the very last bones in my body crack; and I die.* I'll lay there DEAD. And nobody would know it's me, every part of my body would be so disgustingly smashed and my flesh and blood would be splashed everywhere. Ahhh gross! Well, you should've stopped me when I was about to start. Grrr.. Your fault. Now you know that I have an extremely wild imagination?

Haha how could swimming with Mayn got me to this topic, I do not know.. Kay so where was I?
Ah yes, as we were pretending to be singing to the audience, I looked to Mayn and said.

"Eh Mayn, you know what? Even if we fall and knock our heads on the sides, we shouldn't worry."
"Huh why?*stares at me confused*"
"Cause when we die, we know that we'll go to heaven. Look at what we're doing? We're singing praises to God what?! *grins widely* "
"Hehe yess!"

ZOMG I'm so funny, I just made you laugh!
Wheeehee Goodnight people.
I'm going to OU tomorrow. Christmas shopping! :) :] :D
Arghh Finally!

Christmas Countdown:
10 days..
OMG SO EXCITED! *squeals like a bimbo*

P/S: Caren, things will be okay, sayang. It always is in the end. Just trust God on this yeah? Don't get so worked up. If anyone deserves a break, it's you. You're a strong girl, no doubt. ILY. ♥
Chuah, I'm sorry for what happened. I wish there was something I could do to help. But remember, I'm always here for you. ♥
Zane, just CHILL. Chilling laa.. ;)

xxx

Here's to US! Forever.

2008-12-15T02:34:00.006+08:00

I was on Msn. With this Monkey. (:

♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
mana pergi??
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
dah mati ke?
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
hahah
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
lol
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
no
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
i came back from hell
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
your Love pulled me through
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
OH NOOOO
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
earth doesnt need a devil like you here
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
oh have mercy on us Lord
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
put Zane back to where he belongs
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
x)
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
`Zanee --- Senyuman Mu the-shyguy.blogspot.com says:
*burns to ash*
♥ Joce. If only I could control the way I feel. says:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA BLOODY HELL!

Thank you Zanee freak! You always have a way to make me laugh again. Without fail. No matter how much we fight, how much I shout at you, how much we disagree, how much we hurt each other with the words we say, you always have a way of making things right again.
I can never stay mad at you for more than a few minutes because you make me laugh.
ALL THE TIME!

And OMG it's freeeaaking annoying when I'm trying to be serious okay?! I actually struggle to stay mad at you, especially when I'm trying to get my point across. Grr.. you annoying bastard!

But I love you for that la really. Cause noone else could ever cheer me up the way you do.
Thank you for turning my shit filled day into Heaven on earth.
Okay, apart from the fact that I got a bloody pink laptop just now!
HAHAHAHAHH, I'll blog about that some other time.
Zane more important, hor? x)

I love you, Bum.
Some things are left unspoken, but that doesn't mean that it isn't true.

xxx

Nothing matters without you..

2008-12-14T22:30:00.000+08:00

She's not perfect. She may be a perfectionist but she's certainly NOT perfect.

She's afraid. Of many, many things.
Mostly the things the world thinks she's good at. The things she lets the world believe she's a natural at. She's not all that.

Deep down, she's just a broken soul. She's craving for attention from that ONE person. That one person who might not know she exists. She has a longing to be loved. By that special person.
And yet she's so afraid of letting him know how she feels. She's afraid that once he knows, it might turn into something he could use against her. She's afraid. Of every little thing. Of life.

But is it wrong to wish that it was her? That his special someone could be her?
To have just that teensy little bit of hope left within her?
She's not perfect. Never was and was never made to be.
She's anything but perfect.

Yes, and that's who she'll always be.

xxx

Vous inquiéteriez-vous ?

2008-12-14T14:15:00.002+08:00

I feel sick in the stomach. I feel sick to the very core.
It's so stupid, what I'm doing. I know it is. But how could you tell someone you care? How would you do that if they're not even talking to you? I visit your pages, I read about you everyday.
And yes, okay yes, I stalk you.
I'm a stalker.

I feel as if I know everything about you, but at the same time not knowing anything about you.
Sigh, I feel so lifeless.

I feel as if I could just throw up any moment.
I hate this feeling.

xxx

Si seulement vous saviez..

2008-12-14T01:12:00.005+08:00

I'll update my other posts some other time okay?
Have so many unfinished drafts. Sorry people, lazy laa.
You know you love me.

CHRISTMAS CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE!

CAN'T WAIT, CAN'T WAIT!

xxx

Did you ever know that YOU're my hero?

2008-11-30T21:54:00.019+08:00

My cake turned out a success! :) :) :)

Mom's Birthday party was celebrated last night in my house. To be frank, it was awesome. It was so good to see my whole family again. It's been long since we'd had a proper family gathering and I miss them so much. I miss going to my grandpa's house every Friday night for prayers when everyone would be there. All my Ee-Ees, Chew-Chews, and precious cousins.

Oh and did I mention that my cake turned out a success? Mwahahahahh! Everyone was practically bowing down to me because of the cake. Hehe so proud so proud! Mind my bragginess, I'm just so happy!

I was so nervous when they brought out the cake, I didn't know how to react. Especially since I was the LAST one to get a taste of it. So while waiting for my piece of cake, I subconsciously went around the table to check their expressions. Fortunately, no gagging. In fact, if you could see their expressions, they were L.O.V.I.N.G it! :)
Alright alright, I shall stop bragging and let the pictures do the talking.

The cake. :)

The oh-so-loving couple.
(Haha, notice my Mom's fingers? She was eating some keropok so it was still in her hand. Anyway, my parents are so good looking right? So yeah, I'm sure that answers all your unanswered questions. HAHAHAHH! *cough cough*)

The amazing Grandma.
She gets red easily, no matter how little she drinks. Haha so cute. :)

The awesome Godmother, Julie Ee-Ee.
She's the coolest aunty anyone could ever have.

My man, Santa Claus!
Look at that smile weih. Charming, no?

My baby angel, Alex!
OMG his eyes! She's helpless when he smiles.

Hahahahahh! The crazy sister, "Ohh uhmmm.. this is Orgasmic!"
Her expression: PRICELESS!

Pretty cousin, Mandy.
She didn't let me take any shots but HAH, got it anyway.

Sexy cousin, Sandy.
Eh, I know what you're thinking. Sorry guys, she's taken. ;]

The Carolyn's awesome Godmother, Helen Ee-Ee.

The favorite uncle, Brian Chew-Chew.

Amelia Che.

Oh and did you know that Nicholas has a girlfriend? Yes, a very pretty one. :)

Meet Mandy! (Yeah I know, both the Mandys are so gorgeous right?)
Haha so adorable.

*smiles*

LOL.

No comment. -__-"

Perfecto.

OMG so cute..
Sigh, I'm lost for words.

He wouldn't let my finger go. Hehee :)

Look at that poser. ;p

Mommy Dearest:

After everyone has finished eating, the adults just sat around and talk.
The kids went to play.

Meet Patrick, Shawn (my psycho brother), and Darien.
Apparently, their idea of play time is Maple ZOMG! -__-"

Crystal(or is that Carissa? Whoops, sorry la. They're twins, plus I can't tell from this picture.), and Mandy.

So, while everybody was doing their own thing, Mandy, Sandy, and I decided to take a walk around the neighborhood.

Reminds me of Ghost Whisperer. Oh, and spoilers for you GW maniacs like myself.
It wasn't Jim who died.
THANK GOD! :) :) :)

Picture of the day :

HOHO! This is enough to keep me laughing for a lifetime.
Sorry Sandy, you know I love you. ;)

Now I reaaally can't wait for Christmas!

xxx

Cause I would die for you.

2008-11-28T13:38:00.003+08:00

Good morning you beautiful, beautiful creatures! ;)
LOL as you must have noticed, I'm not much of an early riser. So it's still morning in my world.

Hmm, kay so today I've promised my mom that I'll bake for her. Her birthday's on the 30th but we'll be celebrating it tomorrow with the whole family. Mom's side that is.
Which means.. BABY NICHOLAS! Hehe okay, not so much of a baby already, that little rascal. But well, he passed down his title to his little brother, Alex. He's so cute, I tell you. He looks very mixed, which is a total plus point. Seriously, I think people who are mixed are damn gorgeous. *cough you know what I mean cough*

The two brothers are just adorable la. Can't get sick of them. With my Santa Claus, there's always something new to discover about him. Like we'd hear him speak some random new word we've never heard him say, then he'll just laugh about it to himself. Extremely syok sendiri.
But you know la, he's now at the age when they learn how to speak. It just feels so good to know that you're there to watch him grow. To share the special moments of his life with him. OMG I sound like a mother. -__-

Alright, I better go start baking now. I really do hope I don't screw it up. Everyone will be nicely eating it tomorrow. But please God, I pray that they don't expect too much, I'm only a first timer. Okay not really, but for this particular type of cake la. Plus, I'm doing it alone!
Ahhhh, pressure pressure! If you people are lucky, pictures of the party will be up. But since I'm so good I'll post it up la. I want to show off my babies~~, and the cake~~ anyway. ;)

P/s : Summer and Trina, if you girls are reading this, I miss you both! Like crazy mad cow disease! =S

xxx

Dream Guy.

2008-11-27T17:45:00.005+08:00

##@%*#@##@#@#~%#@! *swears as if everyone else is deaf*
God, I feel like crap. Sheesh, I never knew I'd feel this way after watching Twilight, but what the heck!
And no, there's nothing wrong with the movie. Hell, the movie was PERFECT!
Way too perfect. I mean, it's just that I didn't know I'd be so crazily obsessed with Edward Cullen after watching it.

He's terribly good looking, unbelievably sweet, so very nice.
Plus, he's extremely charming. He's amazing.
And yes, he's not real. Sigh.. I guess I feel like crap just knowing he's not real. Knowing guys like him don't exist. Knowing that the moment that movie ends, when I walk out of the cinema, I'm here. In the REAL world. In a world of disappointment. A world where everything's so not Twilight-ish.

I felt so crappy, I didn't even talk to anyone after the movie.
I was so annoyed. So angry at the world. I know it's stupid to let a movie have such effect on me.
Gahh, I bet you people must be thinking that I'm such a freak for being so naive and unrealistic. And omg I'm going crazy. Sorry che, I know I'm driving you crazy too by behaving like this.

But well, a girl can dream.
Yeah I know, dream on..

xxx

Not so complicated after all..

2008-11-26T14:58:00.009+08:00

"Sometimes we have to stop analyzing the past, stop planning the future,

stop trying to figure out precisely how we feel,

stop deciding with our mind what we want our heart to feel.

Sometimes we just have to go with it.

Whatever happens... happens."

xxx

Paint my love.

2008-11-24T21:36:00.011+08:00

Oh it's so good to finally see the world again.

So you see, I was stuck at home for more than 3 days and haven't gone out at all! As in seriously, I haven't stepped out of the house from the time I came home from school on Friday, up until about 2 hours ago.

Yeah, I've been either glued in front of the computer, caught up with my novels, or in the kitchen baking for hours. I didn't even go out to swim or anything. Plus, we missed church this week cause Mom came home late Saturday night and was too tired the next day. So I slept in again on Sunday. Oooh, I've been living any teenager's dream la. Going to bed at around 4 or 5 in the morning and waking up at all the odd hours in the afternoons. Such a wonderland.
Don't ya think? :)

Hmm, we just got back from HSC. Ate dinner at The Coast. I ordered Tempura Chicken.

Yummy.. :)

But oh God, I was stuffed! I only ate 2 of the Tempura thingies with some fries, but I got so full I could barely move. So unlike me right? Yeah, but I haven't been having a good appetite these few days. I figured it was 'cause I got sick the other day, and have yet to fully recover.
Anyways, I BOUGHT A NEW BOOK! Happy happy! :)

And I saw this super strikingly awesome looking book which I so need to have for Christmas!
Plus, it's by my favorite author! The one and only..

Damn sexy right? I WAAAAANT.. =/

Buy for me, can? *smiles and gives you her puppy dog eyes*
;)

And ZOMG I've been dying to watch Twilight!

Seriously can NOT wait, even the trailer's awesome. What more the whole movie?
27th November baby!

I'll be going out with Trina, Summer, and Zane this Thursday!
Ooh baby I'm so psyched!
But why do I get the feeling that all three of them are not really into that movie? Sheesh you people are retards. Whatever, you'll watch it anyway. I'm not giving you a choice. ;p
I'm gonna reserve the tickets for us in a while. Wich me luck, ay?

xxx

We will shine for the world to see.

2008-11-22T16:39:00.012+08:00

Once upon a time, Jocelyn brought her best friends(Summer and Trina) over to bake.

Firstly, they prepared all the ingredients needed.

Accurately took the measurements..

Weighed them according to the recipes..

Put them all together..

Mixed them all up..

Stirred them..

Stirred so much, that..

it looks like a chicken, no? HAHA!

When they were done with that, they got ready to put them in those cupcake paper thingy..

Oven time..

And so they waited..

...
.....

and waited...
Okay, so while waiting they made icing. PINK scrumptious icing.

Of course, they had some problems in between all the baking. One couldn't stop licking the icing and unbaked cake, another cracked eggs and spilled milk all over, and the other almost burned the house with the electric mixer. So practically, they made a whole lot of mess in the kitchen.

BUT it was all worth it, when THIS was what they got..

And they perfected them..

After hours and hours of the hard work, they decided to do what they do best.
CAMWHORE! :)

"Uhm yumm.."

Ooh baby, I'll lick you all over alright.. x)

Tada!

- The End. -

Officially the funnest sleepover I've ever had. EVER! The most stressful, yes, due to the party planning and everything, but still the funnest, most memorable one I'll ever have. You both had left a mark in my life that could never be erased nor forgotten. You left your footprints on my heart, and I will always, always treasure the moments we've had together.
Omg I better go, this is making me tear.

P/s : And hate to say I told you so but, we totally impressed you, didn't we? Hehe that's us!
We blow your mind away. :)

xxx

And it's all coming back to me now. ;)

2008-11-19T19:15:00.012+08:00

Words could never describe how much it meant to me. Even when my Dad asked what I wanted, I said I didn't want anything. I guess all I wanted was this. And it came true. See how good God is to me? The party turned out even better than I'd have planned. Okay, maybe some part of it didn't work out that well but it was still a pretty rocking one. x) Hehee.

You guys were all so sweet to me for the past few days and I don't know what else to say, except THANK YOU. SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO A BILLION TIMES INFINITY SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! I owe it to you. ;]

I've been living my dream these days and I just feel so thankful for everything. I'm truly touched by all of you. And I mean all of you. Thank you for the wishes. Every message received was greatly appreciated. Through the phone, facebook, msn or however, just thank you. For remembering. That's all that matters. (:

To Summer and Trina, Thank You so much for the wonderful letters. I wasn't just tearing when I read them, I actually cried like a big fat baby who was not fed. Those two letters are by far the sweetest anyone has ever written for me and I am so lucky to be the one receiving it. You girls are my strength, my shield. You share the joy and the pain with me. You make me strong. You gave me everything I'll ever need in a friend, and I'm keeping you girls. For as long as I live, I will fight for us. In good times or bad, I will always be here for you just as you have been here for me. I love you. :)

My Summer love.

Trina Precious!

Zane Sakai. ;)

We were high on ourselves. LOL does that even make sense? x)

Thank you for the most wonderful birthday I've ever had!

I love you people lah! ;D

xxx

Sugar Sweet Cupcakes! :)

2008-11-14T00:29:00.013+08:00

OMG LOOK AT THESE!

Sighh.. Eyecatching much? Gahh.. They're so amazingly gorgeous right? *drools*

I WANT... =/

But anyway, we'll be baking our own cupcakes.
Just Summer, Trina, and I. ;)
And I think that'll be even better. Our first time baking together.
Ooooh imagine all the fun we'd have. Plus, I'm sure we'd totally rock at it. :)
Ohmygoodness, I seriously can't wait!

And they'll be sleeping over!
My parents have been so unbelievably awesome these few days. Maybe it's because I've been good. Haha.

To add to that, Awards Night is coming along pretty damn good.
Everything has fallen into place. The drama, the dances (oooh the dances! :D),the choir.
And even LIZZIE has been giving us compliments. HAHA, I know right?!
She's awesome laa. I've never had a teacher as fun as her. To tease and kacau la, at least. x)

Ahhhh.. Everything's just so, uhm.. Perfect? Yeahh..
Almost too good to be true. But oh well, I'm sure it'll be great.
Everything will be great.
I know it will! :)

Alrighty, Cupcakes here we come!
And I'm telling you people, you'd be impressed. *grins*

P/s : I adressed Lizzie in red, cause she gives me the impression of "red." Haha I don't know why, but when you say "Lizzie," what color comes to your mind? Yeah, for me, it's red. LOL

xxx

Don't ask. I won't tell.

2008-11-08T21:54:00.004+08:00

I think of you all the time.

Possibly every second of every day. It's as if my mind is never sick of you. And the memories we've had; God, they just keep coming back to me now. I don't know what to do. I can't push it away. Cause no matter what I do, my mind seems to be thinking only about you. Only you. I've tried ignoring it, but it doesn't help. It never helps.
Not even my best friend knows what's going on in my head. Heck, not even I do.

My mind, and my heart.
They're just messing with me.

If there's one thing my mind is good at; it's thinking about you.
If there's one thing my heart is good at; it's loving you.
Yes baby, you.

♥

Smile like you've never smiled before.

2008-11-08T18:09:00.004+08:00

OHMYGOSH I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE PARTY!
Heheheheheeee. It just hit me that it's in exactly, 6 days 23 hours 46 minutes.
HOMG OMG! So excited! I've had so many things planned in mind and and..
OMG I"M ECSTATIC!

For now, I just pray that I won't die before the day comes. As we will never know what would happen. And ALOT can happen in 6 days 23 hours 46 minutes. Okay okay, I'm just being weird. I don't wanna jinx myself. Heh chill.. Nothing's gonna happen right? Uh huh. I'll be okay. :)

People kept asking me what I want. But all I can say is "I don't want anything. Anyway, the thing that I truly want also you can't afford la. Nobody can EVER afford it." And haha I'm not lying okay. ;p
Nobody can afford Ronaldo what? So yeah.. there goes my birthday wish. =/

But don't worry, it's not the end of the world. Plus, I've already got all I ever wanted. Lovely friends like you people.

And my awesome sister who bought me the awesome bikini.
Oooohh I cannot tahan la. I just have to keep saying it over and over again. It's so pretty!
I have to fight the urge to put it on every single time I walk pass my room. And the dress too. I think it'll take me a long time to get over the fact that I got these things.
But hey, it's a big deal for me kay. My very first own dress, and a bikini which I chose for myself.
These will surely keep me happy for a very long time. (:

Talking about this makes me so hyper! *clenchesfistandteethtightlywhileshakingecstatically*
I can't wait! See you people there in 6 days 23 hours 46 minutes! *winks
Make sure you're ready for some fun and wetness! Bring whatever necessary yeah? Like your towels, undies, swim suit. Thank God for me I don't have to. Neninenibooboo ;p

Fly time, fly. I thereby give thee permission to fly by like the wind. But once we're there, please slow down. Let us have lots of time to have fun (:
I just pray that it'll be as fun as I think it would.

P.S : To Summer, Trina, and Joy. You girls might want to bring your whole closet. HAHA you nuts. x)

xxx

Jocey is a happy happy girl ;)

2008-11-07T22:18:00.002+08:00

YIPEEEEEEEE! I went shopping today!
As in I could finally SHOP! I managed to get birthday presents for two of my closest sayangs. And I got myself a super nice halter dress! And my che che got me a bikini as an early birthday present! They're both pink omg omg omg so happy.

I love shopping with my sister.
Feel so comfortable, I could just change in front of her and not worry.
And she always has a ton of money! Haha I fat tat mann. ;)
But no laa, I hate it when she spends money on me. I feel so bad, I'll do all I can to repay her.
Like as soon as I get my allowance for the next month, I'll give it back to her.
I just cannot tahan la. She's like my personal loan shark; who doesn't charge any interest. Nyehehee! Whoops, I hope she doesn't read this. She might just use this brilliant idea on me. Uh-oh.

But whatever, nothing will affect my happiness today.
Jocey is one hairpeee girl! :D

P.S. :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIAN GAN!
You know, I truly miss those times when we were let's see.. close? Yeah, remember there was once when we used to tell each other stuff - stuff we'd probably be too shy to talk about now? I don't know why things changed. But I missed you Julie! So much. I just hope you had a great Birthday. May God bless you always.
xxx

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RENISE!
I hope you're having fun in your new school. We truly miss you. xxx

Last but not least..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING TRINA!
Dearest Banana, you're everything I mentioned in the message. You're my sayang, and I love you very much. Oh, and please take care of your health, okay? You get us worried sick most of the time, when you suddenly tell us you're in the hospital. I miss you so much! Was really looking forward in celebrating this special day with you, but hmm.. =/ I just hope you enjoyed it yeah? And you got your dream camera!! :) Haha psychopath. Lots of love, from the bottom of my heart. xxx

♥

Love rekindled.

2008-11-07T21:48:00.005+08:00

As some of you might already know, Westlife used to be my all time favorite band. Ever since I was what, eight? We used to sing their songs everytime we went to our Grandpa's house for family gatherings. Yes, with the karaoke set. Don't laugh. Those times were precious, and heck it was damn fun too! Even my Grandpa knew the lyrics to all the songs by heart, and together, we'd sing our hearts out.

So you see, Westlife brings memories.
Not only that.. I fell in love once again with them. And my darlings, this is why:

I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

- I'm Already There

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right?
Have you ever?

Have you ever?

- Have you ever

Never thought that I'd be so inspired
Never thought that I'd find the higher truth
I believed that love was overrated
'Till the moment I found you

Now baby I know I don't deserve
The love you give me

- Something Right

Thank you in advance for the love you give me
I've had a glance of the good life (good life)>You'll be there when nobody believes me
I've gone through it all in my mind
I can see me looking at you
At the start of the day for all my life
I can see me dying to hold you
On the way when
I'm driving home at night
I've got these pictures in my head
These pictures in my head, yeah

- Pictures In My Head

I questioned whether time or fate
Would ever show me a sign
The moment I saw you
That's when I knew
I feel it when I'm with you

I don't wanna face this world alone
Without you by my side
You're the only one
That makes it feel like home
And I need you in my life
When you're not around I'm feeling
Like a piece of me is missing
When it feels like the day is closing in
Somehow I find the faith
To make it through
When I'm with you

- When I'm With You

Cause it's us against the world
You and me against them all
If you listen to these words
Know that we are standing tall
I don't ever see the day that
I won't catch you when you fall
Cause it's us against the world tonight

- Us Against the World

'Cause when your hands are in mine

You set a fire that everyone can see
And it's burning away
Every bad memory
To tell you the truth
If it's something new.. baby it's you

It's you in the morning
It's you in the night
A beautiful angel came down
To light up my life

- It's You

You seem to have that certain smile

I can't forget after a while
The day you walked into the room
At once I knew the hurt that you'd been through

You must've had a broken heart, to love me the way do
Must've been so torn apart, I can see it when I look at you
All the meaning that is in your eyes, the love you give will never die
And I knew right from the start, you must've had a broken heart

- You Must Have Had a Broken Heart

These songs are so beautiful. Listening to them just makes me tear.

It's like I have some sort of "chemistry" with each one of these songs. The lyrics are simply amazing! I could relate to them; which is what makes them even more beautiful.

But no, I'm no emo.
I just love meaningful, lovely songs like these (So if you have any nice songs similar to these, make sure you share with me kay? :D ).
Although my FAVORITE member of the band has left, the one and only Brian McFadden, I still love them. They're still as awesome as before. As for Brian, well, he's doing pretty damn fine on his own. So proud! :)

Anyway, I know there are some of you who'd be like, "WHAT? Westlife?" But whatever, I love them and I don't care what you think.

Westlife.
I love.. :)

xxx

Will I ever be the one for you?

2008-10-13T00:40:00.003+08:00

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side
I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms?

If You're Not The One- Daniel Bedingfield

Why do I keep running from the truth?
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I've just got to know

Do you ever think when you're all alone
All that we can be, where this thing can go?
Am I crazy or falling in love?
Is it real or just another crush?

Crush- David Archuleta

If you leave me tonight, I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Stay Close, Don't Go- Secondhand Serenade

I'm waiting. Just waiting..

2008-10-04T05:50:00.001+08:00

It's 5:50am now and I'm awake at this hour.
Oh not because I'm some good girl who wakes up really early on a Holiday to do work and stuff.
But no, I'm up because of a reason I don't even know of.

Why am I awake?
There must be a reason musn't there?
Is something keeping me up, they ask. They meaning my brains.
Well, I don't know, you tell me. Is there?
Maybe I'm just waiting. Waiting for that someone.
And God, I'm tired alright. I'm tired of waiting. It's been long.
Too long and you've drained every living energy left in my body and I'm tired.

Okay, maybe I'm just delusional.
I think I've got some bloody screwed up sleeping disorder.
Yeah, that could be it. Sure answers to all my questions.
I'd better be off now otherwise hohoho, meet Little Miss CrankyJoce for the rest of the day.
I'm sure you wouldn't want that. Heh.
So, Goodnight my fellow earthlings. Or Goodmorning?
Yeah whatever. Sheesh I'm already cranking up.

Gahh byee.
*givesyouaBIGwidesmile* It's not fake okay. =)

The day an angel was born. <3

2008-09-28T01:23:00.022+08:00

This is for the ONE person who never fails to make me smile.

You've been such an amazing friend who's always been so thoughtful and caring. You've always been there to offer a word of comfort or a helping hand. Few friends would do the things you have done, and that's something I'm so grateful for- and no message could ever describe what it's meant knowing someone as wonderful as you.

I could not think of a time where you weren't there for me.
You were there when we had our fun. When we laughed our asses off at things which probably don't even make sense. When we fool around acting like two complete bimbos. Or just when we don't say a thing, lying down, enjoying each other's presence. Yeah.. It's amazing how just spending time with you can totally make my day.

And even through troubled times, you never failed to be there for me. Not once. Not ever! Even when I hit rock-bottom, you were there to pick me up. You were my shoulder to cry on.

Thank you for being the one I laugh and cry with. The one who knows what I'm thinking even when I don't say it. You know me so well, sometimes it's as if you can read my thoughts. And well, it's always nice knowing that someone knows exactly how you feel. And I truly thank you for being my someone. :)

You brighten up the lives of those around you. Your name says it all. (:

So, this is for you Summer Gan..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST DARLING!

I will always love you. A&F baby.

Summer Gan will change the world someday and not even know it.

All my love,
xxx

Give me a break!

2008-08-26T17:34:00.005+08:00

Is life always THIS complicated?

I don't think so.
I think it's just us humans making it seem complicated when the absolute fact is, life is actually really simple. People just cause drama to make their lives seem more "interesting." But hell, these dramas are not always interesting. In most cases, it only hurts others or even yourself.

Drama..
Well to be frank, I hate it. I hate to be involved in any drama cause well, I've had too much. It's way too much for me to handle, and I would rather not be in any part of it.

I've had enough! Period.

* Please don't make me hate my life. Cause I'm really starting to.

Life's like that.

2008-08-21T02:11:00.003+08:00

Sighh.. I don't know why I'm sighing, but I guess I'm just gonna miss them so much!
I never knew how much I would till I found out they were leaving. Why is it always like that? Why is it that we'll only realize how much somebody means to us when we lose them? Or rather when he/she leaves? It's so stupid, considering how far we've all drifted apart these 2 years.

Sure, some left school, went to college, went overseas, but still? We could've worked to keep this friendship strong. But well, I guess problems came, we didn't know how to deal with it so everyone became ignorant, and then whoosh we all moved on. Got back to our own lives and acted like strangers. Gawd it was saddening. I've always felt it was my fault. That things turned out that way. We all know it was. But okay, I'm not going there.

And anyway, no point regretting what's done and over with right? Okay.. look on the bright side, we're back to where we left things years ago. It may not be the same but at least we're still keeping in touch right? :) OMG, I always drift from what I begin with. Hahah!

Alright, my point is.. I missed you guys. I missed all the times we've had. Tropicana, Sunway outings or whatever. I just really miss you guys, you know? And I didn't even realize it till recently. And I don't just mean one or two of you. I miss ALL of us!

For now, I just really hope and pray that everything works out for you guys. Especially Mark, Jeremy and Nick. I'll miss you all. So bloody much! Take care okay? Just never ever forget those who're still left on this deserted island. We love you! ;)
You'll be dearly missed! =/

Love always,
Joce

I Know.

2008-07-30T21:18:00.004+08:00

Hey, It's Summer here Joce gave me her blog for me to post some stuff so here I am.

I know who killed Alison Dilaurentis. Do you?

Well not really, not until Aunty Rosalind comes back with my book! Hees!

I shall update later. Smiles =)

Sometimes, things do happen for a reason.

2008-06-14T02:14:00.006+08:00

Okaaayy.. I'm tired of all those emo crap.
Self-pity is a sin. So, I shall not self-pity as it is a sin, and sinning makes God sad, and I don't wanna make God sad, so I wouldn't self-pity which means I'm not sinning and I wouldn't make God sad, and when God is not sad, He will be nice to me and make Mommy nice so that she will buy me nice nice things, like McFlurry! So you see, my favourite ice cream McFlurry, is somehow connected to self-pity. ;) Hahahahahh! Sorry can't help it. Just talked to Summer, Trina, Carrot and Josh and they make me go crazy hyper. So yeah, blame them. x)

Lol anyway, I'm sorry for all the previous posts. I didn't mean to bore you guys with my pathetic "love life" which is so totally over. I'll take it as it's a sign. A sign from God. He's trying to tell me something. Yes, I know what it is. I'm sure some of you do too. Don't worry, I won't make the same stupid mistake. Just wanna say thank you for those who stuck by with me when I was going through Hell. I'll mention yous names la. Be proud if your name appears here okay? Cause it's in my blog so DUHH! It's an honour mann. Hahahahahh I'm kidding. The truth is, you guys deserve to be given thanks. These are the people who've helped me through it all.

Summer
Trina
Jo Ho
Melanie
Caren
Chuah
Zane
Juss Liew
&
Che

A billion trillion infinity million thank yous to you guys la. I can never really thank you guys enough. You are all truly my bestest, most precious gifts from God. I simply love you all! Period.
♥

I miss you so..

2008-06-14T00:36:00.004+08:00

Wish came true. I got what I've asked for. But why am I feeling like crap then?

I don't know what I'm suppose to be feeling. Should I be sad that he likes someone else? Oh wait, I mean LOVE! He bloody told me he loves her. Sigh.. Or should I be happy that he only made it easier for me to leave? Gawd I don't know! I just miss him like crazy. I can't even bear to look at him now.

I can't even talk about this with anyone. I mean my friends & sister have always been there for me. ALWAYS! (And thank you guys so so so much for EVERYTHING! I'm so truly grateful for all of you. You know who you are so yes, thanks! You have absolutely no idea how much this means to me. I LOVE YOU GUYS MUCH MUCH! Thank God I have you amazing people.) But if I really do talk about him, I'll only start crying. And it doesn't help. Okay maybe it does, but then I wouldn't be able to stop.

I just feel so stupid! Feel so used. But yet, I can't bring myself to hate him. My friends are all sooo pissed for me but I'm the only one not doing anything about it. Thanks la my darlings. I know you all just care. But don't worry, I'll be fine. He's just being a guy I guess? Remember, guys= assholes? Yeahh.. They were born like that, can't do anything about it. so, what can we expect right? I'm sorry Zane and Juss. But it's true! Can't deny the fact that 99.9% of guys are simply bastards! We girls just haven't met the 0.1% of guys yet. Maybe someday.. Oh trust me, someday we will.

Maybe mine will be my baby. One and only C. RONALDO! ;)
It's a wonder I didn't end this post in an emo way. Heheee so proud!

I didn't mean to fall in love with you.

2008-05-29T23:38:00.009+08:00

I don't wanna keep crying over something that would never be mine. I don't wanna keep hoping that someday he'll realize that I'm the one for him, because then I'd be lying to myself. I just want him to care. I want him to still think of me the way I think of him. I want him to look at me and like I'm everything in the world to him. I want him to hold me in his arms again, even if just for one last time. I want him to want me. (puh-leeaze -_-')

Heh. But who am I fooling right? It's so bloody obvious he doesn't give a shit, while I'm here hoping that some kinda fairytale miracle will occur. Oh yeah, why haven't I thought of that? Fairydust; always works. And then boom he falls in love with me. Bullshit. Gosh, I don't know anything anymore.

The only thing I'm sure of now is that I'm sure as hell want HIM! All of him.

But I'd rather him come up to me and tell it to my face that he doesn't like me, than to just leave me hanging like this.
It hurts. A trillion times gazillion times more!

* But you know, after a while, it doesn't hurt anymore; it starts to kill!
So do me a favor and just kill me already, won't you?