And the world keeps Spinning.

HIIIIIIIII ! :D

I know I've abandoned you and I'm so very sorry but I've got my reasons. Plus, I've gotten myself a new blog. Well, sorta.

It's TUMBLR ! :)

Go click, & follow.

Yes Caren, YOU.

You're probably the only one who checks up on my blog anyways. Stalker. :p HAHA Iloveyou.

And to the rest who stalks me, I love you guys too. :)

Now, I give you all the permission in the world to stalk my Tumblr instead.

So shoo, fly away from blogspot.

http://heartsoftheworld.tumblr.com/

Ykylm

xxx

To the one who means more than the World.

28th September. A day I'll always remember. Why? Because it's special. Why? See for yourself. I wrote this essay a few months ago for school and Summer has probably read this but oh well, I'll post it up anyway. Wheee. :)


***

“Kring kringg kringgg” buzzed my alarm clock. I tossed and turn around my bed trying to get more sleep, but to my dismay, “Kring kringgg kringggggg” that irritating noise went on even longer and louder this time. “Alright alright, I’m up!” I snapped at the inanimate object. Blurry eyed and still tired from the lack of sleep, I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, stretched out my hands and let out a big yawn. It was only 6:30 in the morning of 28th September, but I had to be up early because I had to get all the things ready for the surprise I’d planned for my best friend. I took a quick shower and hurried out to make sure that the presents, cards, and balloons were all ready.

All of a sudden, my phone rang so I rushed over to answer it.
“Hey Joce, so how’s everything going? What time do we have to collect the cake for Summer?” asked Trina.
“We’ll discuss about that in school okay? It would be much easier when everyone’s there.” I replied hastily as I was fighting against time.
Trina answered, “Sure, sounds good. Alright, so I’ll meet you there at 8?”
“Yep, see you there babe,” I responded.

Fifteen minutes before 8, I ran down the stairs and zoomed pass the hallway and into the car. “Mom, are you ready? I’m going to be late!” I was afraid that my friends would be waiting for my arrival as I had the cards for everyone to contribute their signatures. “Coming dear,” Mom called back.

Fortunately, we reached school in just ten minutes and we could still do a little last minute planning. “Zane and I will get the cake now,” Jeremy volunteered. “You girls wait here and make sure nobody ruins the surprise okay?” he said to Trina, Renise, and I. “Yeah, make sure my sister doesn’t suspect anything,” added Zane. When they left, the girls and I immediately got to work. We took the huge cards which I had made and passed it on to everyone; their job was to write a word or two in it to be given to Summer. This was all done ingeniously, so she couldn’t have noticed anything.

In addition, we pretended to have forgotten Summer’s birthday, allowing her to think that not a single person remembered. Although everyone still spoke to her as usual, none of them mentioned anything about it being her special day. I could see the disappointment on her face and she was visibly upset. However, that made me smile even more. “That way, she would get a bigger surprise after school and it’ll be sure to work,” I giggled at my thoughts.

Finally, the school bell rang, signaling the end of the day. Jeremy told everybody to meet him at our Mandarin class where all the decorations and balloons had already been put up especially for the Birthday Girl. Zane brought the delicious looking chocolate cake with 11 candles into the classroom and had all the lights switched off. I, on the other hand, stayed with Summer and thought of an idea to bring her to class without giving the surprise away.
“Oh whoops, I just remembered; I left my pen and notes at our Mandarin class. Would you come get it with me?” I asked politely. “Yeah sure, Mom wouldn’t be here yet anyways,” she replied.
Just as we started walking up the stairs, I caught Renise from the back of my eye. We made a quick eye contact and she quickly ran up knowing exactly what to do.

When we reached the class, I gave a hard knock on the door to let them know that we were already outside. I stood back and watched as Summer twisted the doorknob letting herself in. All at once, everybody jumped out from their hiding spots and shouted, “SURPRISE!” She was so stunned, she almost lost her balance. “Woohoo! Happy Birthday, Summer!” the whole class cheered after singing the birthday song for my best friend. She was completely lost for words when everyone took turns to hand over their gifts. After everyone had had their fair share of time with the birthday girl, I pulled her aside and brought out the present I had gotten her.
“Here, this is for you,” I said with a huge smile. Joyful tears started welling up in her eyes and she was truly grateful “Thank you, Joce, thank you. This is the best birthday I’ve had in years and you’re my best friend! I love you.” That melted my heart, and I gave her a kiss on her cheek and said, “I love you too, Summer Gan, and I’m really glad you liked your surprise.” She replied appreciatively, “Like? I love it, thank you!” Everything worked out perfectly; my best friend was happy, and everyone had a good time.

However, that wasn’t it. A few hours later, Mom arrived with Aunty Jenny and I was still giggling and laughing as I entered the car. However, Mom suddenly turned around and said in a soft, gentle voice, “Joce honey, today is not a very happy day.” That instantly sent shivers down my spine. My sister, Carolyn, must have felt it too as we exchanged apprehensive glances, both terrified and absolutely clueless. Attempting to find out what had happened, I tried to look at my mom through the rear-view mirror. Instead, I caught a glimpse of Aunty Jenny who was sitting at the passenger seat. I froze. Her eyes were all red and puffy, as if she’d just cried buckets. It frightened me so much as I wondered about all the possibilities that could have caused that. Barely able to take the suspense any longer, I asked, “Why Mom? What happened?” To no avail, I didn’t get a reply so we sat through the whole journey in deadly silence.

Finally, after what seemed like the longest ride I’ve ever had in the car with Mom, we reached Grandpa’s house. As we got out of the car, Carolyn and I both looked at Mom trying to get an answer. At last, Mom spoke out, “Girls, I’m so sorry but,” she was struggling to get her message across, “Grandpa passed away today.” I felt my ears and my eyes clog up, and at one point I could swear I felt my heart stop beating. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; my eyes were stinging so bad with hot and painful tears that I couldn’t contain my waterworks any longer. My sister and Mom broke down too and we cried together in each other’s arms. My Grandpa was 80 when that happened, and his death was of old age, but I still couldn’t put up with it. The pain was unbearable; losing my most beloved Grandpa.

“28th September…” I thought to myself and sighed. The day that I thought everybody would be happy, turned out to be the worst day of my life! 28th September, is the day of my best friend’s birthday. Ironically, it was also the day of my Grandpa’s death. I just couldn’t accept it. “Could this possibly mean something?” I still wonder.

***

And just so you know, the story is true. Yeap, imagine the horror. But the scenes in school were added just because it was an essay.

Anyways, Happy Birthday, Baby. Words can never express how much you mean to me. I love you, bestfriend. :D

And Happy(?) 3rd year Grandpa. I love you, you will always be in my heart. ♥

xxx

None of us know why we love.

Loving you was like free falling into space - I never knew

when I'd hit the ground. But that I didn't care, because for just that

short period of time, I felt like I could fly.

Because you're my Reason.

I'll be off to camp in approximately 9 hours! WHEEEE, I'M SO EXCITED ! :)

But you see, we had a motorbike accident on Friday night and now my legs are injured. Tikah and I. She's got a deep cut on her elbow and hit her head on the tire of the parked car, while I got the most of it because the motor fell on my leg. I scratched my right knee against the road and the exhaust pipe burned my leg a little. Gory much? Gah I really don't want the ugly scars. :(

Sigh, I'm so upset because the camp was all that I was looking forward to during the week and now I'd have to go there limping. Sigh. I know I have no one but myself to blame for being so careless and irresponsible so I'm really not going to spend my time complaining here. I've learnt my lesson; I really have.

I can't wait for the bus ride. Chuah and I called dibs on the backseat! I don't care Bhud, you'd have to make me. ;p I bought so much food. But eh, no stealing people ! All mine, all mine! Snickers okay! :) Mrs. Bepono said that the bus ride would take 6-7 hours so I could either sleep, read, listen to my iPod, hog Joshua's iPhone, be emo with JoChuah & Renise, or dance around in the bus ! OMG they all sound so good!

Oooh, I'm gonna have so much fun!

Rajak and Crouch, don't miss me too much. It's only 3 days. ;)

I'll miss you BabyLabush & Tikah. So much. Have fun girls, because I know I will! :)

And when I get back, I'll be going out with Crouch, Rajak and Cherry!

Pondok. *inside joke*

CAMERON HIGHLANDS here we come, baby!

So,Cheche and I were talking about my sore leg and how I wouldn’t be able to go jungle trekking. :(

"*sighs* Jungle trekking was the thing that I was looking forward to most for this camp laa. But now I can't. *groans* "

"Who asked you to be so careless?" Thank you che, for making me feel SO much better. ;p
"Ugh, I think I should just cry myself to sleep now."
"Eh why? You JUST woke up !"
*bursts out laughing*
"Geez, sometimes you make no sense at all."
*laughs some more*

P/s: This was at around 1pm. Yes, me and my sleep. HAHAHAHA I know I amuse you. ;)

Please God, take away the ugly scars. Amen.
xxx

:)

HEY BESTFRIEND!!!! :))

imy womann!
im so happy and hyper now.. i think its the chocolates *yummy yum yum*xD
you know what, i've decided not to care about the calories for now..
i'm gonna eat and become so FAT that no one would recognise me anymore! lol
*thats totally rubbish but wtv* i reli reli think you too should just eat as much chocolates as you want. it keeps you HAPPY :)

anyway, i think you owe me LOADSSS of stories since we havent cought up in dunno how many centuries now..
i too have stories for youu which i cant wait to tell =)

btw, if you still can't stop thinking of that monkey brain, a consolation is even i haven't moved on after about 11 months now. haih :(
but on the bright side, they have thought us to be stronger and that we can actually live without them. we're strong, bold woman and we know it!
they are NOT gonna keep us sad and down for much longer..
when we are on cloud nine someday, we'll look back and be surprised at how far we've come and that there really is this special person God reserved just for us :))

in the meantime, its back to studying for me and back to tonnes of work for youu.
we're gonna be done with all this in 5 MONTHS! *hurrayy to us*


i cant cant cannn't wait for

CHRISTMAS!!

i reli do miss you my bimbo friend,
i miss how we used to hang out on sundays,
all our bull shit that only made sense to us!
we'll meet up soon and catch up aite?
cheers to bestest friends the world will ever have

love, me :)

I'll carry you when you need a Friend.

I know it's bad to be in denial, because when reality really strikes,

it'd be way to hard to handle and I can only imagine what would happen.

And I also know that being in denial is a pusillanimous way of handling the truth and it definitely won't solve anything.

Being in denial is a coward's "easy" way out.

However, I just can't help it, because I know that if I don't push it to the back of my mind,

I would be so lost, weak, and helpless that I wouldn't know what to do.

Mmer baby was crying because of this and I couldn't even be there for her. I felt so stupid, but I didn't know what would comfort her because I know that I'd be going through the same thing. And, I know that nothing anyone ever says or does would make me feel better.

To think of it, I'd be going through the exact same thing! Our loveliest, most precious friend will be leaving. She's leaving, forreal.
Just that it hasn't hit me.
Not yet, at least.

P/S: This is going to be hard on each of us, but we'll always have each other, Trina, Summer, & Zane. You'll always have me right by your side, and I'd sure as hell need the three of you too.

xxx

I just can't live a Lie anymore.

This place is dead, isn't it? Sigh. I just couldn't find the time to blog. And yes, inspiration. I haven't been having any inspiration in the longest time, especially since everything just feels so wrong. Nothing ever seems to be right these days. I don't know why, but it just is. I'm not always like this you know? Emotional, I mean. I'm not always an emotional wreck. I just need to let it out somewhere. So bear with it, or you can just go ahead and click on the red X button on the top right of your page. Your cooperation is very much appreciated, thankyou. :)

***

You know how you make someone your everything, then something happens and that person's gone? Or maybe you have absolutely no clue about what happened, but somehow things just never seem to be the same anymore? You lose that person, and it feels like you've lost everything. Because after all, he was your everything and nobody else has the power to break your heart like he can. It was like you gave him your heart, your soul, your world, your everything, and it was taken away; just like that. With one snap of the finger, everything was gone. And why? All because you were foolish enough to let him in all the way.

So you made a promise to yourself to never let anyone in completely. Just so you wouldn't hurt the way you did. Stupid thing to do, some might think. But rather than always being so afraid that you'll end up hurt again and letting it consume you, might as well withdraw whenever things get intense, no? A good solution, yes yes?

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,

Because all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

- Carrie Underwood, "Lessons Learned"

Thank you, for letting me go.

Thank you, for giving up on us even before anything started.

Thank you, for the strong feelings that never knew I was capable of feeling.

Thank you, for a wonderful experience, although it may not be real after all.

Thank you, for it truly felt real when I was with you.

Thank you, for the memories.

& I probably owe you my life for the lessons learned.

So, Thank You!

P/S: I just got off the phone with Mmer. Thanks baby, for constantly making every wrong feel right again. That is only one of the reasons why I love you.

xxx